Page 19 of Unhinged

Elizabeth had apologized again for not calling sooner and invited Hannah to both calling hours that evening and the service the following afternoon. After thanking Elizabeth and hanging up, Hannah had sat frozen until Fiona had come in. She vaguely remembered stumbling over the explanation, and Fiona had immediately taken charge, rescheduling the rest of that day’s appointments as well as those lined up for the next day.

Hannah left in a daze, then drove home to prepare for calling hours. She had spent the last three hours at a funeral home on the outskirts of town, speaking with Rachel’s family and friends. The last thing she wanted to do that night was put on a happy face and pretend everything was okay.

With a soft sigh, she locked the car, then made her way past Andrew and up the stairs of the porch, leaving him to follow. She unlocked the door and stepped inside, tossing her keys and purse on the table and kicking off her shoes by the door.

She plodded toward the living room where she curled up in the corner of the couch and closed her eyes. She heard Andrew come in and close the door behind him. His soft footsteps approached the couch, and the paper bag rustled as he set it on the coffee table.

“I’ll grab us plates. I’ll be right back.”

As soon as his footsteps moved away again, Hannah dropped her head back against the couch and rubbed her temples. Her mind felt like it was full of white noise, a constant buzzing that wouldn’t go away. She still couldn’t quite believe Rachel was gone. What had caused the sudden change in attitude? Could she have stopped it? Her heart twisted with regret. God, she wished Rachel had given her some sort of indication that something was wrong.

She opened her eyes just as Andrew strode through the large archway separating the living room from the main hallway, his arms full. He set down the plates, forks, and wine glasses, then pulled the bottle of wine from where it was tucked under his arm. Digging a corkscrew from his back pocket, he efficiently uncorked the bottle and filled her glass. With a grateful nod, Hannah swiped it off the table and took a long swallow.

The cushion beside her dipped as Andrew’s weight settled into it. His hand landed on her knee, and she fought the urge to squirm under his touch. She appreciated everything Andrew had done—really, she did—but right now, she just needed some time and space to herself.

“How are you feeling?”

Like crap. Clearing her throat, she sat up and discreetly shifted away from him. “I’m… I don’t know, honestly. Her death was a shock. We had a good session last week, and I still can’t believe she’s gone. I really thought she was improving. I guess it just wasn’t enough.”

Already emotionally exhausted, she had no desire to deal with him that night. She didn’t want to vocalize her thoughts and feelings, even with Andrew. She knew she would need to deal with her errant emotions eventually. But not yet.

“It happens, Hannah. It’s not your fault.”

She sighed. “Her poor family. I just feel so bad.”

“Maybe she should have stayed on her medication. We could have switched it up, found something that worked for her so it would have been better controlled.” As he spoke, he opened the paper bag and began to extract small white boxes, the flavorful aromas permeating the air.

Bristling at his comment, Hannah leveled an irritated glare at his back. “She tried several if you remember. She said she hated the way they made her feel.”

“We can’t fix it tonight,” he said softly as he passed her a plate full of General Tso’s chicken. “Have some of this. You need to eat.”

Half-heartedly, she obediently scooped up a bite of food. Despite the delicious smell, it tasted like cardboard, and what little appetite she’d had fled. She set the plate on the coffee table and picked up the wine glass.

Andrew studied her from the corners of his eyes as he ate, methodically cutting the chicken into precise pieces. “Rachel’s death today got me thinking about something.”

Hannah closed her eyes, wishing she could tune out whatever he was about to say. She was sure it would be some variation of the argument they’d had many times before. She had no intention of joining practices with him—ever. She opened her mouth to stop him, but his next words surprised her into silence.

“I think you should go on a date.”

Her mouth dropped open as she swung around to look at him. Was he serious? He didn’t know the extent of her past, but he certainly knew enough. She’d spoken with him once about trust issues, but she couldn’t bring herself to fully open up to Andrew, either. It was like there was an entire part of her that she refused to let people see, and she didn’t want to let anyone in. She hated to admit it, but she still struggled with the idea of intimacy.

Except… The moment she laid eyes on the security guard, he’d turned her inside out, warming her blood and sending a frisson of awareness slithering along her nerve endings all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes. Never before had a man affected her that way.

Her thoughts from earlier bubbled to the surface. She did eventually want to find a man and fall in love. Audrey had suggested online dating or going to singles functions, but she’d always waved it off. She knew Audrey only wanted the best for her, just like Andrew. Maybe it was time to put herself out there and at least try to make a connection with someone.

She regarded Andrew warily. “Why?”

He took off his glasses and polished one lens with the hem of his shirt. “You said that Rachel had been moving on with her life.”

“She was. And?”

“What have you done to address your own fears?”

Hannah immediately bristled. Even though she’d been thinking the same thing just a few seconds ago, hearing the words from him hit a little too close to home. “I’m just fine.”

“Are you?” His chocolate brown eyes stared into hers as if probing her soul, and she snatched her gaze away, pinning it instead to the wall across from her.

“I dated in college. I just never found anyone I was really interested in. And now I’m just too busy.” She took a sip of wine, feeling his intense gaze on her all the while.