Page 84 of Break Me Not

This is a mistake. And this is the universe telling me that.

I looked up to find both of them looking at me expectantly.

“Sorry, I guess it's my time to be pulled away. Duty calls. Enjoy your time together, you two.”

Claire stood up as if to stop me, but I merely waved her off. I tried not to look at Liz, but it was too hard, so I gave her a smile, hoping she could see in my eyes everything I couldn’t say.

But each step away from them made my heart feel heavier and heavier.

I almost ruined their relationship. And all of it without even telling Liz.

I cursed myself internally.

What do I do?

How do I fix this?

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what to do.

Liz

Jax hadn’t come home in a few days.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She was gone super early and came home super late—and I only noticed that because she woke me up when she crawled into bed and spooned me from behind.

It gave me hope for our relationship because it meant that it wasn’t about me. But I still missed her.

It was crazy. I thought about her all day, every day. But I didn’t let myself feel embarrassed about how much I wanted her, even if it did feel a little bit immature sometimes.

I was getting more and more nervous. I had gotten a glimpse of what her job was like when the asshole broke the glass at my gallery. Was that what she had to deal with on the daily?

The worry was almost unbearable, and the fact that she didn't stop to tell me what was happening hurt my feelings. I knew it was mostly work and likely her mother, but there was a strangely insecure part of me that felt that maybe it was my fault.

That maybe after seeing Claire, and the three of us sat together in a very awkward few minutes, she had decided it was all too much for her.

Maybe she was having second thoughts. Regretting us. Maybe she had realized I was there to meet my daughter so I could come clean.

Did I mess up? It felt like it, but I tried not to let my mind spiral too far.

I knew from experience that the best way to get rid of anxiety and fear was to get busy. So I got busy.

After four days of this, I decided to wake up early to catch her before she left. By the time her alarm went off, I was awake. I was awake when she kissed my cheek before getting up too—did she do that every day and I didn’t know?—but I stayed still.

When six a.m. rolled around, a freshly showered Jax was ready and headed straight for the door, her eyes glued to her phone. But then my presence caught her eye.

She paused in her strut, freezing when she saw me. She wore her casual jeans and T-shirt, and her hair was still wet from the shower, looking nothing like she was going to work for her multibillion-dollar company, but that was just her. And I… liked her just like that.

I was standing behind her kitchen counter with two bags of food, which was probably weird so early in the morning.

“I had to do a lot of asking around to see where you spend your time these days,” I said with a smile. “Though I do have to admit I did use my charm, as Sloan called it, to get some insight.”

She walked toward me then, her face twisting into an unreadable expression.

“Liz, I'm sorry. I⁠—”

“For Emerson,” I cut in, pushing one of the bags toward her. My hands paused on the next one before doing the same. “And for your mother. Growing up, my grandfather was in a home, and one of the things that made him extremely happy was a warm home-cooked meal that reminded him of his childhood. I'm not going to pretend to know what your mother's childhood was like, but everyone loves soup. I started it last night and slow-cooked it. so it should be pretty damn good. Also, you got a really nice slow cooker—you should use it more.”

She looked down at the two bags, her hands lifting so they were just hovering over mine. And then, with a sigh, they finally came to grab mine, and I was too happy to take them.