Page 52 of Break Me Not

“Don't make me eat alone! Sit.”

I got the extra seat in the corner of the room and brought it over for Claire to sit down, but then I paused when I saw that the only other chair had her stuff in it.

“It's okay, Jaxie, sit down. Have a bite.”

“Is it okay if I move your things?”

She nodded and happily took a bite of the cake. My heart warmed at seeing her happy like this.

Claire shot me a look and gave me an encouraging smile, so slowly and carefully, I grabbed the basket and sat down before gently placing it on the ground.

That was a mistake.

“Well, not on the floor, you dunce. You want to ruin everything?”

I froze. It was that tone again. The one that told me she was close to spiraling.

“Sorry, Mama.”

I grabbed the basket again and quickly placed it on the table, but that just made her more annoyed.

“If you put it there, how are you going to eat? You can't expect me to eat all this cake by myself! Are you even thinking?”

The knot in my throat grew tighter.

I knew it would be like this. I had years of experience. But it still didn’t make it any easier.

Luckily, Claire jumped in.

“I see you're making something new. That pink yarn is so pretty.”

And just like that, my mom snapped out of it. She turned and looked at Claire with a bright smile.

“Isn’t it? My friend got it for me as a birthday gift!”

Claire didn't even flinch at the mention of her birthday, though I was sure she remembered my mom’s birthday was half a year away.

“Very nice of them. And what about the cake? Is it the same as always? Francesca's diner never changes—they still have the same pattern seats I remember sitting on when I was six.”

Claire had never been to Francesca's. At least not with me. But she was an expert at this, even if it meant lying.

“Oh, I used to love those patterns,” Mom said with a laugh. “Don't you remember, Jaxie? I spent years searching the fabric stores to try to find something similar so I could make curtains. Isn't that hilarious?”

“Yes, Mama,” I said with a forced smile.

Once Claire got her out of her spiral, Mom sat there, happily discussing every single thing she loved about the diner. She was mixing up half of it with other restaurants, but Claire didn't even bat an eye.

How is she so much better at this than me?

How is she able to just sit here and talk to her?

Every time I sat here, my heart just hurt. She was my mom, the person who made my life great. The one who brought light into the otherwise dark childhood I’d lived through.

She was everything to me, and now I had to watch as she was slowly taken away from me by something I couldn't change.

There was no money that could fix this. There was no one I could assign to her who would be able to fight off this disease.

I needed to accept that. But I couldn't. And that hurt the most.