Page 79 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

“Precisely, so stop asking me to chase after a man who does not. Lord Demming, Nate, cares for me as a friend, and I shall be quite content.”

Marina shifted in her seat, as if she were uncomfortable. Juliana glanced at her, and she opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. It was unlike Marina to have trouble finding her words, so Juliana continued watching her, growing more concerned by the second.

“What if Jude loves you?” Marina asks, blurting the words out quickly.

Why was her friend putting her through the heartache all over again? Why couldn’t she see that Juliana had already agonized over accepting the situation with Jude? They would never be.

“I’m already broken-hearted enough, Marina. Don’t ask me to get my hopes up dreaming of something that shall never come to pass. I’ve had enough pain and heartache for a lifetime.” She was already a widow at one-and-twenty and lost her heart to the ton’s favorite rake. Didn’t she deserve a comfortable life after what she had endured?

Marina set her saucer on the table and faced her. “Dearest,” she started, “surely you know I would never intentionally bring you harm. I implore you to go to him tomorrow and at least speak with him in person. Then you can decide for yourself if you should let him go.”

“Marina, I can’t believe this is coming from you. Why are you pushing for this?” Juliana asked.

Marina blinked her eyes closed and then settled her gaze on Juliana’s. “Evan and I went to see him. After I received your missive, I was furious. Evan intended to visit him, and I insisted on going along.”

“And he told you he loved me?” Juliana asked, more hopeful than she should have allowed herself to be.

“No,” she said. “He didn’t.”

“Then why on earth would I go to him?” Their conversation was beyond frustrating. Why would her friend play with her emotions in such a way? She was resolved to marry Nate and put Jude in the past.

“I was too angry to remain in his presence, and I took a stroll in his gardens,” she paused, and took a deep inhale. “Jude’s valet, Carter, approached me. He had some interesting things to say.”

Juliana gasped. The hope trickled into her heart, as much as she tried to push it away. “What did he share?”

“Jude is miserable, dearest,” Marina said, assessing her reaction before continuing. “He is hardly sleeping or eating. He spends his days working with his tenants and his nights staring at a ring. One he had selected for you.”

She placed her hand to her heart, attempting to steady her breathing. “Why would Carter share this with you? What if he is incorrect about what he says? If Jude wanted to marry me, why didn’t he just ask? He knows I would have accepted. None of this makes any sense.” The questions and thoughts raced from Juliana. It couldn’t be true. If he loved her and wished to marry her, why had he run away? Carter and Marina were mistaken.

“It is obvious he cares deeply for Jude’s well-being and he hoped I might get word to you,” Marina replied. “Carter is worried about him.”

“Why would he end things if he’s so in love with me?” Juliana asked. “We have no barriers in our way to be together. I don’t require anyone’s permission, nor does he. You are all wrong. He doesn’t love me.”

Marina looked down at her feet and avoided making eye contact. When she didn’t speak for several moments, Juliana spoke again. “You know something else.”

“I have already said more than I ought,” Marina said. “You must go see him and ask him these questions yourself.”

“But, Marina…”

Before she could push further, a woman entered holding a babe. Marina rose to her feet and met them, taking the babe in her arms. “Thank you, Nanny,” she said.

Turning back towards Juliana, she tenderly showed her the sweet cherub-cheeked boy. “Juliana, this is Arthur. Isn’t he the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?”

Juliana rose and leaned over the cooing babe, running her fingers along his cheeks. “Indeed. I am so happy for you.” Tears welled in her eyes, and the longing tugged at her heart.

“Of course,” Marina said, “I am sure Diana would say the same thing about Oliver. She will visit in another week. Perhaps you will still be here and meet him as well.”

“I believe I shall. I’d love to meet him, too,” Juliana said.

“Would you like to hold him?” Marina asked.

Juliana nodded. “Very much so.”

Marina shifted the babe into Juliana’s arms. Juliana began lightly bouncing as she held him, and he drifted off to sleep. As much as she fought it, she imagined what it might be like to hold Jude’s babe, hoping they would have his eyes and dimples.

What if what Marina shared was correct? What if they could be together and she could be with the man she loved? Or what if she was an even bigger fool for even considering such things and she’d leave with her heart shattered into tiny, irreparable pieces all over again?

She again stared at the sweet face of little Arthur in her arms. Her mind warred with itself over what to do. A life with the man she loved, and their children, is all that she longed for. But could she risk her heart to see if it was a possibility?