Page 40 of Reforming the Rakish Marquess

She hesitated, and he turned to face her.

“You mentioned you don’t sleep well. Why is that?” she asked.

Panic rose from his chest to his throat. “No reason,” he replied, his tone sharper than he intended.

She watched him, contemplating him. He grabbed his coats and slipped each in place before grabbing his boots. Thankfully, she hadn’t spoken again, but he was fearful he knew quite good and well why she had asked.

He sat in the chair and began working on his boots as quickly as he could.

“It’s just that you had a moment of unease last night. Does that occur frequently?” she asked, a soft tenderness in her voice.

He didn’t look up from his boots. He couldn’t. She would see the fear in his eyes and the embarrassment of what still haunted him.

“Did I say anything?” he asked, still not looking at her.

“A few things.” She paused for a few moments. “Jude?”

Keeping his head focused on his task at hand so he could depart, he responded. “What, Juliana?”

“You can talk to me. I believe we care for each other.” She paused, and he swallowed hard. “As friends. I would listen and help you.”

“I don’t need any help,” he ground out. “I am quite all right, I assure you.” He had kept his secrets and his pain to himself for all of these years, and the one time he let someone get too close, it was all unraveling. He was unraveling. He couldn’t allow it. This only proved why he could allow no one in.

“Please, Jude.”

He finally looked up at her. His breath became more labored. “None of this was part of our arrangement.” He sighed, not really wanting to speak the words on his tongue, but knowing he must. “Perhaps our arrangement has run its course.” He wished for the opposite, but he was quickly losing control of the situation, and it would only be a matter of time before she knew and looked at him with the pity he loathed.

“You don’t mean that, do you?” she asked, the hurt expression on her face almost enough to break him wide open.

“This had to end sometime. If your escape to the terrace last night was any indication, you have options. So perhaps it is time you seek one of them out.” He knew he sounded like a petulant child, but the irritation he pushed aside had returned.

The notion of her taking a different lover was enough to make him cast up his accounts if he gave it too much thought. He couldn’t stand even the suggestion that another man might put his hands on her, but he didn’t have any right to prevent her from doing so. The torture of her moving on from him would be another scar he would be forced to bear.

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

He rose from the chair, his boots in place. An unexplained, all-consuming rage bubbling too close beneath the surface. “I saw you with Lord Demming, and let’s not forget, there is always Lord Lygon.”

Realization washed over her expression. “That wasn’t what you think, Jude. He was…”

Jude cut her off, as he didn’t wish to hear the details. The sight of her with another man might be enough to kill him, but so would allowing her to know his shame. “It is none of my business. You need to find someone who might want the same future as you do. That shall never be with me.”

Before she could respond, he bolted from the room. He didn’t even look to see if anyone was in the hallway before he did so.

Thankfully, it was clear, and he slipped to the staircase and down the stairs. He was almost at the terrace door when a man’s voice called out to him.

“Well, isn’t this interesting,” a man said, followed by a menacing laugh.

Jude cringed and turned on his heel to face the man. He was a trim, weasel-like gentleman who stood with Juliana’s butler. He must have been on his way to the drawing room to wait for word if Juliana would accept his call.

Jude hated that his first notion was hurt and jealousy that the man may have called on Juliana for similar reasons that brought Jude there.

“And just who are you?” Jude asked, not caring that his tone was less than civil.

“Viscount Gordon, my lord,” the man said. “No need to introduce yourself, as I am well aware of who you are, as well as your reputation, Lord Sandon. I just never would have dreamt you’ve been tupping my late cousin’s wife. That is a helpful bit of information.”

“Jude, wait,” Juliana called out to him, appearing at the top of the staircase, with her long dressing gown secured around her body.

“Oh, this is perfect,” Gordon said. “Didn’t get enough of your bed partner, my lady?”