Page 21 of Pay the Piper

“I…”

Nikki covers his mouth with his hand in an attempt to hide his laugh as my face flushes to a telling shade of red. I kick Thacher and throw the box of tissues at Nikki, but neither of them stops their cackling. And to make matters worse, Teddy is now sitting up and alert with a dopey look on his face.

“Shut the fuck up, you assholes! It’s your fault!”

“How the hell does this”—Nikki points at the TV, then to my crotch—“have anything to do with me?”

“You told me to imagine she was a princess!” I yell, standing up and pacing back and forth.

Thatcher and Teddy are still in full hyena mode, but Nikki collects himself and reaches. “Hey, let’s all calm down. Come back over here and talk to us, Misha…what’s going on?”

I do as he asks, taking my seat again. “The other night, I was asking everyone about what to do when you really like a girl, and you don’t want to fuck anyone else, but you can’t have her yet! You said to pretend she’s a princess and you’re her prince or some shit.” I motion toward the TV. “Princess!” Then point at myself. “Prince.”

“You…you chose Shrek, though?”

“Fiona, asshole.” I sigh. “She has red hair. There aren’t many red-headed princesses, man…and the ones that exist are like…kids! Fiona was the only one of age.”

“That makes sense, that makes sense.” Nikki nods, looking back and forth between me and the movie. “Um…but why Shrek 2? You know she’s a human basically the whole first movie, right?”

He looks legitimately worried, and for the first time since I’ve known the middle Santori brother, I think I have him spooked. “Nah, I know. I just like Shrek 2 better.”

His apprehension dissolves into understanding, and all three guys mumble their agreement.

“Okay, so can you walk us through this again?” Teddy slides off the bed to sit on the floor, then twists so his legs are on the bed. Feet too close to my pillow.

God, we look like a bunch of teenage girls. It’s fucking embarrassing.

“What do you want to know?” I grumble.

“For starters, how long have you known her?”

I wince. “Five days. I know that’s not—”

“It’s perfectly fine,” Nikki states matter-of-factly.

“When you know, you know, man,” Thatcher seconds.

“Oh, I knew immediately that Ellie was the one. The first moment I saw her I wanted to get her pr—”

“Shut up, asshole.” Nikki kicks Teddy in the head. “We all agree that love at first sight exists. Plus, it’s so early that it’s impossible you’ve been friend-zoned yet, so that’s good. We have plenty of space to work with.”

“I’m not a fucking virgin, Santori. I know how to deal with women.”

Nikki laughs. “Not like this. I’m going to bet good money you’ve never loved any of them. It’s different when you love them.”

“It’s very different when you love them,” Teddy whispers, and this time, he gets a smile from his brother-in-law-to-be.

Thatcher breaks the silence with a chuckle. “Would you look at this? You had to help me win over Mila, and now you’re the one who needs help!”

“That’s because I know everything about Mila. I don’t know much at all about her, except that she skates.”

“Brother, you have to get to know her! Ask her questions, take her on a date!” Teddy chimes in, now fully sprawled out on my floor and in much better spirits than when he first arrived.

I’ve never taken anyone on a date before Abby. Not really, anyway. My proclivities never crossed over with romance. Once Mila and I came to the States, it was clear that although we were just like any other horny teenagers, we’d need a safe space for her to overcome her own demons. Luckily, a little forgery here and bribery there, and we were immersed in the world of pleasure to be found in sex clubs.

We both found what we needed early on, and for me, it was always the perfect opportunity for release while avoiding letting anyone get close enough to me to be in danger. Or to try to blackmail me. It wouldn’t be the first time a honeypot toppled an empire, and Mila and I knew better than to allow ourselves to be trapped in a bad situation. Transactional relationships, never lasting too long, masks or darkness when prudent to hide my identity…

“I already have, thank you very much. But I could use more ideas. What were your first dates?”