Page 6 of Under Rusted Stars

“Get out of my goddamn house!” he shouts, knocking his table over and sending his food crashing to the floor. “I won’t be disrespected in my own damn house. Get the fuck out.”

I sigh and shake my head at him as I pull the second tray from the bag and set it on the counter this time. “For when you chill the fuck out,” I say. I could tell he was going to get worked up when I called him earlier today, and he was already drinking at eight in the morning. I plan ahead on those days by bringing an extra meal, knowing he will eat when he calms down. Dad mutters to himself as I leave the trailer and return to my truck. I could go back to the clinic, but I think I’ll go see Mom instead.

A few weeks before Mom died, she and I went on a walk down by the lake. We ended up at this small cave in the hillside, next to Willow Creek Lake. She had made this little area for me to come visit that was close enough to run to, but far enough away from Dad that he couldn’t find me. She told me that if I was ever scared or needed to feel close to her, to come to this cave.

The night she died, I woke to screaming. Dad was angry at Mom because she wanted to take me and leave. It sent Dad into a rage, and Mom came straight to me. I think she knew she was going to die that night; she never would have risked involving me. I was hiding under my bed like I usually did when they fought, but she got me to come out.

“Do you remember our special hideout, Bodhi?” she asked me. “Grab your blanket and go, baby. Don’t stop until you get there.”

I wanted to bring her with me, but she wouldn’t. I didn't understand why at the time, but I know now that it would have only gotten me hurt or killed. She gave me the biggest hug and opened my window. The last thing she said to me was, “I love you to the moon and back, Bodhi. Never ever forget that. Okay?” She took off her necklace and just… Shut the window. I stared at her for a second and watched the tears roll down her face. When my bedroom door slammed open and I heard her screams, I ran. I will regret that for the rest of my life. I should have gone to the police or a neighbor. Maybe she’d be alive if I did. They said it was suicide, but I know better. I know she never would have willingly left me with him.

I drive a mile down the road and park in my driveway. When I get out, I walk around the house and to the trailhead. I ended up buying the property that this cave sits on just to make sure I could keep it exactly how she set it up. I’ve switched out some things and added others, but the stars she cut out of a thin sheet of metal still hang from the ceiling of the cave. I have her ashes here because if she knew I’d feel safe here, then she must have felt safe here, too.

I added amber lights that run on solar power, so I can come out here anytime I want and sit with Mom. No one knows that this place exists, but I do. She did. That’s all I need to get through the day sometimes: to come here and just think.

I lie on the blankets with my arms tucked behind my head, looking up at the stars. They’re rusted now, but I don’t mind. It’s like how dream catchers are supposed to trap the bad ones; I’d like to think that these stars absorb my worries. Maybe that’s ridiculous, but whatever gets me through the day, right?

Everyone in this town loves me, but no one remembers how awful I was to Olivia. No matter what I did, though, she was never mean to me. She never mocked me or made fun of me the way I did her. Hell, even her parents are absolute gems. They could have had me arrested for what I did, even though she and I were both eighteen. Olivia refused, and so did they. I never faced consequences, even when she was attacked because of me.

A few weeks after prom, Olivia was assaulted when she was walking home from school. She had walked that path for years, but this time someone was waiting. She never knew who it was, but I did. Every time I looked at my father after that, all I could see was Olivia crying on the side of that road.

She left for college shortly after and never looked back, or at least I thought so. I knew she got married, but I didn't know he was abusive. Knowing now that he was, it makes me want to find him. I’m always one bad day away from snapping and turning into my father, which is exactly why I don't drink. The few times I have, I’ve gotten into fights. I don’t want to be him, so I just avoid alcohol.

By the time I leave the cave, the sun is already sinking low behind the trees. I end up on my back deck with a cup of hot tea and a book I haven’t actually read a single page of, watching the sunset bleed across the lake. I look down the shoreline of the lake and see Olivia on the back deck of her cabin. She looks lost in thought, but it’s like she feels me staring at her. She looks up, and her eyes find mine immediately.

“You following me, Liv?” I tease.

The truth is, I bought this property from Daisy three years ago. I was already living here, and she wasn’t, so she eventually let me buy it from her. She still owns the cabin and the plot it sits on, so I found it odd when she told me she was moving someone in there. Now, I understand.

Chapter Three

Olivia

“You following me, Liv?” Bodhi asks with a charming smile. He is sitting on his back deck with his feet propped up and a book resting in his lap. He brings a mug to his lips and sips on whatever is inside, keeping his eyes on me.

Daisy told me she sold her house but kept her cabin, but I didn’t expect Bodhi to be the one to end up as my neighbor. This setting is honestly shocking, but I’d never admit that. I suppose I just expected… chaos.

“You again,” I sigh and stand up.

“Me again,” he says, setting his cup and book down and standing. We both go to the edge of our deck and end up close enough that we could touch. “How are you?”

“Do you actually give a fuck, or are you just asking so I don’t burn your house down?” I ask.

“I do care, but I would really like it if you didn’t do that,” he chuckles.

“I’m here,” I say. “Kate is about to be here, so…”

“Oh, yeah. Of course,” he says nervously, realizing I’m trying to get out of this conversation. “But, hey. We should sit down and talk sometime, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I agree. We should. I fucking hate him for what he did to me, but we are adults and neighbors. We need to be able to get along. I have enough going on in my life; I don’t need more drama.

“See you around, Liv,” he says as I walk to the back door of the cabin. I pause for a moment and look back at him.

“See you around, Bodhi,” I say. I step inside my door before turning around, but nearly scream the walls down when I turn and see both Kate and Luke behind me. “Goddamn it, guys!”

“I’m sorry!” Kate says, giggling as she hugs me. “I shouldn’t laugh.”

“Give me a fucking heart attack, Kate. Jesus,” I pant. I gasp and grab the counter to keep me upright when the door leading to the deck opens. “What the fuck is up with you people stressing out my heart?!”