Page 61 of Client from Hell

My eyes widened. “Lucifer can bake potatoes?”

“He can. Being a divine is convenient at times.”

“Fully loaded, with extra crispy bacon. Please. I will beg, Jonas.”

The incubus leered at me. “After you’re fed and rested, I will come for my payment of your begging.”

“If it gets me crispy spinach on the side, too, you can even tell the Devil I love him.”

Shaking his head and snickering, Jonas replied, “I think he’ll send extras over if you play that card. I’ll hold that close to my chest unless he resists my request for a good baked potato. I’ll be back shortly. No napping!”

“I won’t nap,” I promised, making myself comfortable while waiting for his return. “Goose the Devil for dessert while you’re at it.”

“You are the dessert,” he reminded me.

“Dessert for me, you fiend!”

He smirked at me before he shrugged and vanished.

Shaking my head, I could only hope the Devil didn’t kill the incubus for showing up naked and with a ridiculous amount of bounce in his step.

Jonas waged war with Lucifer over me, and as I enjoyed the thrill of the chase, I played the damsel in distress who received sexy benefits from my incubus captor. The first week, I learned my virus wanted me to drag the incubus to bed at least once a day, and she preferred making her conquest in the morning. I enjoyed her logic, as it meant I started the day with a spring in my step. As he went out of his way to make himself appealing, I hunted him at night to make sure he stuck around to give me and my virus attention in the morning.

The rest of the day, we played a game of cat and mouse. Whenever the Devil came close to finding our trail, Jonas teleported us away to one of his other residences or we hit up a nearby hotel or motel. I stopped asking or worrying about the cost of our little adventure, determined to enjoy the fun while it lasted.

A week and a half later, an ice cream parlor lured me out of hiding with cash pilfered from Jonas’s wallet, which in turn brought the Devil out to play.

Oops.

He grabbed me by the collar, although he didn’t prevent me from continuing my quest to get a hit of frozen chocolatey goodness. “I see my spicy pony with bite has been having a good time.”

Ignoring Lucifer amused me, but as I wasn’t a complete monster, I ordered him a cone, too. Once I had my treat in hand, I said, “I fully understand why you were using Jonas for therapy now. I’m enrolled, and it’s going to take me at least a hundred years to be cured of my various ailments, I’m sure. Maybe longer.”

“As the goal is to evict Jonas from the therapy pool, I am pleased you’ve been enjoying his company.”

“I escaped fair and square for this ice cream. I think I finally wore him out. Or you wore him out. Somebody wore him out. He passed out.”

Lucifer chuckled, and he kept a hold on the back of my shirt while eating his ice cream. I headed for the seedy motel Jonas had picked as our latest hideout. When the Devil offered no commentary, I asked, “Does your appearance mean we’re done playing games?”

“For now. I need you and your bed buddy to do some investigative work. I had Diana and Darian going over the files while they recovered from serving as your donors, and as Jonas hasn’t voiced any concerns, your virus must have stabilized, but it’s time for you to get checked to make sure. I have a list of calls for you to make, and I want you to familiarize yourself with the operations we’re looking to bust. You were mentioned in the files, as were Diana and Darian. We haven’t figured out why the outfit has been looking into you, but I suspect it’s because you’re registered in the CDC’s database as having an unknown lycanthropy strain, just like them. They’re nightmares, so their strain will remain blank. Their breed prevents them from attuning to another animal, and their blend of magic sustains the virus. You’re different, but I’m sure my father has reasons for attuning your virus. You’re a dual species.”

“Dual species?”

“Your lycanthropy virus is the same strain as your new species. This is technically a dual species. Diana’s virus doesn’t really have a species, so it’s just a helpful infection reproducing in her blood. Yours has all of the benefits and disadvantages of being attuned, although you’re attuned to your new species. In the future, I expect dual species will be those who have an attuned virus of a different species than their natural shapeshifting ability, but we have not yet seen this occur in the wilds. It’ll happen soon. Diana bent the rules without breaking the universal laws, so it will start happening in nature. I’m excited to find out who the first shifter-lycanthrope will be. Anyway, He attuned your virus at the same time he made you into a spicy pony with bite. I refuse to peek to discover what a spicy pony with bite is. He isn’t the kind to make a bad choice, not with something like this.”

“Well, I was given several options.”

“He probably couldn’t decide, so He left the choice in your hands. No matter how much I argue and bicker with my father, I recognize his nature.”

Interesting. “So Jonas passing out and sleeping like a rock isn’t something to worry about?”

“Not at all. He finally has had reliable enough meals his guard is down, so he’s resting. Incubi can get fidgety if they go a long time without feeding like he does. Truth be told, I’m surprised he was willing to dodge me so fresh after having his first few meals. His last succubus strayed earlier than I wanted. He didn’t feed as well as he should have, either. But, that’s not her fault or his. She’d been under restriction for a long time and wanted to hunt after many years of poor feeding in captivity. Jonas is an excellent meal for a starved succubus, but I try to avoid putting him in that situation unless there’s no other or better options. She’d been starved long enough I either needed to toss her to an incubus or to a determined lycanthrope, and a lycanthrope would not have wanted to let her go. Jonas didn’t, but he understands a succubus’s position better than lycanthropes tend to.”

“My virus enjoys establishing her territory at least once a day. Then I end up establishing my territory once a day,” I confessed.

“Spicy ponies with bite are probably wired like unicorns, and you have a double dose of it from your virus. Good. That will keep Jonas on his toes. I will just remind you that while incubi can purge the virus at their whim, once tamed, they will only do it during an emergency, or if they feel they’ll endanger their lycanthrope, and they will hunt for their lycanthrope to reestablish the virus as soon as it is safe. Jonas doesn’t need the virus’s influence to be dedicated, and once he’s been fed for a while, he won’t want to surrender his meals without a fight. You’re stuck with him, although I wouldn’t be surprised if he purges the virus every now and then to rile you up and get caught again. That one enjoys drama more than is wise sometimes.”

With the Devil holding onto my collar, I returned to our hotel room, unlocked the door, and checked on Jonas, who still slept, sprawled every which way. I sighed at the evidence he’d searched for me in his sleep. “Is incubus another word for leech, by the way? Because he does tend to get a hold and doesn’t want to let go when he’s asleep.”