Page 47 of Client from Hell

I could only assume my donor was Darian, unless the Devil had scrounged up a third person to serve as my blood bank. I spotted my future bed buddy sitting in the corner reading a book. “Did somebody finally put you in time out, Jonas?”

Everybody jumped, although Darian managed to stay in his seat. While he tugged on the line transferring his blood into my veins, it remained connected.

Diana resumed fiddling with her scanner, shaking her head and muttering something.

My future bed buddy closed his book and grinned at me. “I’m in the corner because I influenced Diana last night so they’d leave. They hovered to the point of becoming annoyances. My ploy worked, but for some reason, they’ve been irritable with me today. Likely because they got a room down the hall so they could indulge, which meant Diana didn’t check in with Lucifer. Lucifer complains when they don’t check in with him. It was worth it.”

Diana eyed the scanner as though debating if she wanted to throw it at the incubus. “Lucifer spent an hour scolding me this morning because I wasn’t keeping a closer eye on his spicy pony with bite. He’s always protective when it comes to the new fillies and colts. How dare we have a good time last night while he is fussing?”

“I’m just happy I haven’t been moved to a hospital again. This is far more comfortable than a hospital.” I eyed the line feeding me blood. “Did I get mauled by a tiger or lion, thus requiring another round of blood?”

Hopping to his feet, Jonas came over and sat on the edge of the bed. “We were both exposed to quite a few illnesses in our adventure yesterday. Your virus spiked getting rid of them, and your blood production isn’t up to the task of sustaining the virus when it’s hard at work making you healthy. So, we’re topping you up this morning before we both get to enjoy some rather intimidating stacks of paperwork or other errands Lucifer has planned for us. Diana confirmed your immune system is functioning again with that fancy scanner of hers. Your next appointment at the hospital will be in three weeks for a round of tests. Lucifer didn’t want to push our luck to see how you’d recover naturally, so he threatened to send Darian off to Europe while keeping Diana busy here. As they feel that’s cruel and unusual punishment, they’re serving as your personal blood bank again.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said, wincing at the thought of having turned them into blood mules. “I swear I’m not actually a vampire.”

Diana waved off my apology while Darian stared at the plastic tubing.

“Maybe I should offer you a few extra apologies, Darian?”

“It’s not needed, although it’s appreciated. I’m more pissed Lucifer numbed you while I get to enjoy feeling the fucking thing.”

“You’re not a baby, Darian. It’s not that bad,” Diana chided. “It only stings a little.”

“Four hours of stinging really stinks, and I’m going to need a lot of tender, loving care to get over it.”

Raising a brow, I eyed Jonas. “Are you influencing them right now?”

“No, this is his natural state, which generally means if Diana is in the same room, he’s interested. You should see the separation anxiety. I’m concerned for my general health, as equines give incubi a run for their money on a good day. On a bad one, they win. I hate when I can’t win, Sandra.”

“Well, if you take appropriate care of me every evening and possibly morning, there shouldn’t be any bad days, so you’ll win often. If I don’t get bed buddy time, we both lose, and we should both be unhappy about that.”

“That sounds like the start of a really good relationship for you, Jonas.” Diana grinned at the incubus. “Lucifer will be happy he won’t have to fret over his little brother.”

“Brother-in-law,” Jonas corrected.

“You’re his precious darling’s brother, which makes you his brother. It’s been decades. Just accept it already.” Tapping on the screen of her scanner made the machine beep a few times, and Diana narrowed her eyes. “Sandra, your lycanthropy virus is now showing as attuned to an equine species, although the species is not registered in the CDC’s database, which means you’re a new breed. He is perfectly capable of concocting some new variant, so he probably made it so you adapt well to the hells—and to be a good food source for Jonas. I have a feeling Jonas is also one of His creations, too.”

The incubus straightened, and he frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You know I took a blood sample this morning to check on you,” Diana replied. “It just happens there was a DNA sample of your parents available, so I ran the general tests. Even post conversion, there is typically surviving DNA identifying mortal parentage. I bothered to do the analysis while waiting for Darian to get hooked up for the transfusion.”

“You’re saying I’m like Darlene?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I went and had a chat with Darian’s father about it, and he did some peeking. Your mother was infertile. While she had eggs and ovaries, the eggs were all defective and any fertilized wouldn’t come to term; they’d naturally abort shortly after conception. And while there was nothing wrong with your father, they would never have had children without an intervention. I guess your mother must have prayed for a miracle at some point, because she had you and your sister—but since her eggs weren’t viable, I suppose He opted to handle the situation by providing the fully fertilized egg. He just grabbed your seed, which has been around for a long time. Actually, your seed is pretty interesting.”

“Lucifer mentioned he’s had a few rounds with me,” Jonas muttered.

“You were his first rehabilitation. You were made to teach Lucifer how to prepare seeds to go back into the world. So, yes. He has had a few rounds with you. Your first sin was one Lucifer didn’t understand, and that shaped him to be what he is today. He still doesn’t understand why you ended up in his not-so-tender care that first time, although you definitely have earned a few of your rounds with him.” Diana tapped on the screen of her scanner again. “Lucifer’s brothers have known for a while, but they didn’t want to upset Darlene.”

Sighing, Jonas shook his head. “Every time I think I start to understand this crazy family, I find out I’m wrong.”

“But now you know why—it wasn’t that He wanted to strip you of your biological sister, but that without His intervention, there was no way either one of you could have been born to your parents at all. He gave you both the genetics you needed to thrive in your new futures. And, I suspect, He wired you to be best suited to become an incubus so Sandra could have someone capable of keeping up with her. He likes efficiency, and He also enjoys meddling with Lucifer’s plans.”

Jonas’s shoulders slumped. “I hate that you’re probably right.”

“You’ll get over it eventually. She’s still your sister. You just had a rather unusual conception.” Diana offered the incubus a smile. “It’s sweet this bothers you so much. Darlene understands it’s because she’s your sister, the same way she won’t let go of you being her brother. If anything, He made certain you would be brother and sister, and He made sure your genetics were suitable for the extended lifespan you’ve both been given. I’m still getting used to the idea of having been a manipulation from long before my birth, but I see the reasoning why. It does turn everything I thought I knew about the nature of free will on its ear, though. We can change things, but it’s difficult to fight fate. I think that’s why Lucifer is so extreme—because for him to have free will, he had to fight an absolute, so he himself became an absolute. He often struggles to break free from the various molds he created for himself.”

“Can I just thank you now for keeping me from kicking the bucket? I really appreciate that. There was no way in hell I could otherwise afford a donor.”