Page 41 of Client from Hell

“Your dining doesn’t involve a one-way trip to the morgue!”

“Would you even make it to the morgue if they get a hold of you?”

I risked peeking over the side at the collection of bloodied and torn lab coats in search of bones. After a few minutes, I spotted a few, and they’d been licked clean. “Some parts would. You could take the shredded ruins of my clothes. They don’t seem to have an interest in clothing.”

Jonas joined me in staring down at the remains below. “At least masculine apparel. I don’t think any of those workers were women before they became cat food. But if it makes you feel any better, having seen what these labs are up to, they deserved becoming cat food. Reputable labs do not keep lions and tigers beneath the rotting floor of some house.”

“The Cats of Oak Boulevard could be the title of a kickin’ horror flick, but I do not approve of my status as the co-star of this film.” As few got to say they had a close encounter of the big cat kind, I took a few minutes to record the animals doing their best to get to me on top of the cage. “I came within a foot of death, Jonas.”

“Yet you’re sitting there recording the cats.”

“I don’t see you helping me get out of this mess. You opted to call the Devil. I’m stipulating any proceeds from this recording go to my parents, who will surely grieve for my demise at the claws and fangs of hungry felines.”

“Honestly, you’re handling this better than I thought you would. Sure, you screamed, but honestly? I can’t say I wouldn’t have screamed for the opening act. I mean, they’re lions and tigers, and they’re really hungry.”

I got a clip of the hungry animals trying to get to my cage along with a clip of the various kittens scattered around the room below. “Do you think they kept some of the people they ate alive for a while before eating them?”

“I don’t know. I also don’t want to know, but I hope so. These fuckers deserve it. I’ve seen the fallout from the other labs. I will tell you one thing, Sandra. We do not discuss this with Diana. Her cats are rescues from these operations, and she takes this very personally.”

“I’m taking the high risk of being eaten by tigers and lions very personally, Jonas.”

With a shrug and snicker, he tested the edge of the Sandra-shaped hole until he found a few intact boards suitable for our combined weight. He reached down with both hands. “When I pull you up, remember I’m far stronger than a human. I can also teleport. I am not going to let you be eaten by any tigers or lions, but you’ll have to trust me.”

While aware the cage had withstood hundreds of pounds of lions and tigers crashing against it, I eased to my feet in case standing on the cage’s ceiling brought the whole thing down and ended my newly extended life. “I deserve death for this, Jonas. I willingly entered the horror house. It isn’t on Elm Street, but I will forever be cautious of any road named after a goddamned tree.” I clasped my hands in his, wondering how the hell I’d scramble up through the ceiling, which had at least a foot and a half of wood, broken pipes, and other crap lurking in its rotten depths.

Jonas grasped my wrists and stood straight, lifting me off my feet and up and over the disintegrating obstacle, and turned, setting me down on a more stable section of floor. “One of my first goals is to plump you up so you weigh more than a feather.”

“Fucking cancer,” I muttered. I dusted myself off, and grimaced at my new collection of cuts, which would inevitably become bruises, which would, in turn, require yet another transfusion from my poor donors. “Do you think Diana is going to kill me when she finds out I am going to need more blood after this? I’m worried she might. I’m creating more work for her.”

“I suspect Lucifer is hoping you won’t need another transfusion, but I expect you’ll be checked on after we get out of this alive.” Jonas glared at the hole I’d fallen through. “I’m concerned with Lucifer’s opinion of your survivability, especially since he doesn’t misjudge things like this usually. What the hell is a spicy pony with bite? Why does he think throwing you to literal tigers and lions is going to help?”

“Those questions terrify me, Jonas.”

“My need to ask them is concerning.” The incubus rolled his shoulders, herded me away from the hole, and pointed in an adjacent room, which had once been a kitchen.

“I don’t think Lucifer knows what a spicy pony with bite is.” Bracing for the worst, I investigated the kitchen. I could conduct a science experiment on what had been left on the counter. “Is that freezer working?”

“No. I don’t want to know what’s in the refrigerator or freezer, and I don’t know how long it’s been turned off. Some secrets should never be unveiled. That is one of those secrets. I’m not brave enough to look inside.”

While the tigers and lions terrified me, I could handle the contents of a dead refrigerator. I tested every step on my way over, grabbed the handle to open the fridge, and tugged it open.

The stench warned me of trouble, and the body, which had been inside long enough to fall apart, oozed to the floor. While I’d heard about such things in some of the more disturbing legal cases at school, the reality of a corpse in a fridge left me questioning my choice of career field. Jonas gagged.

I raised a brow, made sure I didn’t step in any bits of the corpse, and checked the freezer.

According to the decomposing skull collection, the former occupants had murdered at least five people. The size of the skulls implied the people had been adults.

“I regret I had not taken more forensic science courses right now,” I confessed. “Or forensic archaeology. I can’t even tell what gender these poor bastards were.” The putrid odor of decay, almost sickening in its pervasive sweetness, would leave a mark. I closed the fridge door and backed away, triple checking to make sure I hadn’t gotten any of the victim on my shoes. “The bodies in the forensic courses were a lot fresher.”

“Maybe the advanced courses use the older corpses?” Jonas pinched his nose closed. “How are you not gagging?”

“I am not as fragile as the poor little hungry incubus,” I countered.

“Says the delicate little flower who almost got eaten by lions and tigers. Your screams are rather delightful, but I’d rather you be screaming for other reasons.”

That caught my attention, and I turned to him. “I thought I was supposed to behave. Commentary like that is not making me want to behave, Jonas.”

“The hotel room isn’t soundproofed, so you’ll just have to wait until you’re finished with your hormonal therapy. Your organs have to finish healing, too. Please get away from the body. I’m concerned it might get up. We are in Georgia after all.”