Page 7 of Catnapped

“I could add one for you.”

“I live in Florida, where floods are real and happen yearly,” I repeated. “I do not want a basement. It’s bad enough doing hurricane repairs just about every year.”

The Devil frowned. “Perhaps I should be kind and arrange for your transfer to the Washington offices.”

“Which also floods. I do not want to live in the political swamp that is Washington.”

“How about New York?”

“An island. What happens on islands?” I countered.

“Infrequent but probable flooding,” the Devil muttered. “What is wrong with a little water? It won’t hurt you. Usually.”

“I live in Florida. I’ve had enough floods for one lifetime.” I sighed. “At least try to be reasonable, Lucy.”

“Being reasonable is so challenging. I don’t like being reasonable. Raguel, tell her being reasonable is overrated.”

“Are you trying to lose this bargain, Lucifer?”

Lucifer crossed his arms and sulked. After a few moments, I realized his wife likely went out of her way to make him sulk or pout, as it brought out his softer side. “I’m attempting to butter her up for future endeavors. If I’m really nice to her in this bargain, she may lower her guard on the next. It is a viable strategy.”

I sighed, as that was something the Devil would do. “It is a viable strategy, as I have a rather strong and unreasonable desire to engage in fair dealings. In that, I suppose your desire to have me as one of your minions makes a great deal of sense. I am very good at balanced negotiations.”

“See, Raguel? Diana is very easy to negotiate with. If I give her a fair bargain out of the gate, she will close the loopholes she considers to be of importance, and we both win and lose some. As I want her to consider future bargains, I will make certain we equally benefit from this bargain, although she will not understand how I benefit until later. I will also make certain how I benefit does not put her at a disadvantage, as it would make her less likely to bargain with me in the future. She’s a logical and sensible creature most of the time. Darian, I will consider us even should you do your best to stay with Diana for two to three hours every day. Important responsibilities and other work causing separation is permitted, but if it is a viable option, you must adhere to this. As long as you two are sleeping under the same roof at the same time, I will view the conditions of our agreement to be met.”

Darian shrugged. “I have a place, and while I don’t have a guest bedroom, there is a couch. It’s not like this place is habitable. I don’t mind having a roommate, and I suspect this will encourage my parents to force me to move into a proper house rather than an overpriced apartment none of them like.”

That caught the attention of all three of his parents.

Ah ha. I bet the Devil had some form of unbalanced agreement with Claudine, Belial, or Raguel, and forcing Darian to upgrade his living arrangements using me would restore the balance. Amused, I waited to see who would crack first: the trio of parents or the Devil with an ace up his sleeve and goals to fulfill.

The Devil glanced my way, lifted a finger to his lips, and winked at me.

Claudine bowed her head and sighed. “When does your lease expire?”

“I’m month-to-month, Mom. You know this. You also know the only reason I haven’t gotten a house is because I can’t afford to pay for it in cash and refuse to get scalped on a mortgage.”

“We can afford to buy a house for you,” she muttered.

“But then I wouldn’t have earned the house on my own. You’re the one who thought it was a good idea for me to be independent. You’re also the one who told me women were attracted to capable men who can tie their own shoes without the help of his mommy.”

My parents had done the same with me, and whenever I called them, I made a point of reminding them they’d done a good job of molding me to be an adult determined to drive them to the brink of their sanity. “My mortgage only lasted three years because I worked hard to grab every bonus from the CDC I could get my hands on, and I dumped it all into accelerating my payments. I bet after the Devil is done with his renovations, this place might actually be worth more than I paid for it. And your mother is right. Women like a capable man who can tie his own shoes without the help of his mommy.”

Men who could tie their shoes, cook, clean, and hold a job didn’t tend to last long on the singles market, so what was wrong with Darian?

Wait. I considered his parents. Right. He was the son of a triad. Few women met the standards of an archangel, and Belial would bring ruin to anyone who hurt his baby boy.

Poor Darian, doomed to be single until the perfect woman for him came along.

“I could tolerate a three-year mortgage,” Darian stated. “Thirty years? Not a snowball’s chance in hell.”

“Snowballs have a shockingly good chance in my hells, surprisingly enough. I married a snow leopard. She has a seasonal room, as I’ve learned she loves all of the seasons and not just snow. So, if you’re around during the winter season, there’s definitely a solid chance for a snowball’s survival in the right place.”

Darian sighed. “How are the snowball’s chances right now?”

“Not good,” the Devil admitted.

“My point stands. No more than a three-year mortgage, and it can’t bankrupt me.”