Page 24 of Catnapped
“For some, yes. I get a shimmer, much like a mirage, along with a sense of hot or cold. We’re getting warmer applies with my magic, and the shimmer also becomes stronger the closer I am to the end of the path. You may or may not see it. It depends on how perceptive you are or if you have divine blood. Fortunately, I tend to be able to see the shimmer far enough away I can drive while following the path. Do you have divine blood?”
I shook my head. “Not that I’m aware of.”
“That’s pretty rare. The more the CDC studies humanity, the more it discovers that most humans are touched by the divine somewhere in their ancestry. What’s your rating?”
“My license states I’m a practitioner.” I eyed him, but I decided if I’d be living with him for an unknown period of time, he may as well have a better idea of what he’s getting into. “The CDC doesn’t believe it’s possible for anyone to be purely human, so my files for genetics have been flagged as probably incorrect.”
“You scan at a hundred percent human?”
“I don’t even have any Neanderthal in me, apparently. They’re not convinced it’s possible, because the current belief is that homo sapiens evolved from Neanderthals. They originally believed Africans lacked Neanderthal DNA, but that was recently disproven. So, the current theory is, for me to exist, the foundation of both sides of my family had to sprout out of the ground, fully formed, after the Neanderthals no longer existed as a race. The CDC thinks it’s possible. Djinn could wish humans into existence, so it’s entirely possible others could, too. I mean He can also create humans at his whim.”
“Darlene is one such creation. He cultivated her seed and picked a pair of humans, but her genetics are considered to be fresh; the genetic data from her seed completely overrode the contributions of her mortal parents. They’re her parents, but genetically, she’s the first of her line.” Darian grinned. “Darlene was so mad about that. Apparently, she stormed His high heavens and scolded Him for several hours. Lucifer had to retrieve her because she was so mad she wasn’t carrying any genetic material from her parents. My father was telling me about it. She’s also upset it technically means she isn’t genetically related to her brother, either. He foresaw her temper tantrum from ten miles away and distracted her with fostering a baby angel for a while. He had to go retrieve the baby several months later, which was apparently fun because Darlene didn’t want to give the baby angel back. Father says He wanted the angel to be particularly nurturing, and there’s no better way to foster a nurturing soul than to hand Darlene the baby and let her do her thing. Kanika appreciated the respite, because Lucifer is incapable of being anything other than doting when in the presence of babies. Unfortunately, now Lucifer and Darlene are giving Malcolm fits because they want grandchildren.”
I laughed, as Malcolm had a rather lengthy file with the CDC due to his status as Kanika’s husband. The CDC wrongly viewed him as the actual inheritor of the Devil’s many hells. The kelpie, while a demon, had exactly two thoughts rattling around in his thick skull: protecting his wife and convincing her they should have many children.
He excelled at protecting his wife, but I wished him luck on his quest for children.
Kelpies required water to reproduce.
Like me, Kanika couldn’t swim.
“I take it your work with the CDC has put you into contact with Malcolm?” Darian asked.
“Where Kanika goes, Malcolm tries his best to follow, unless he can’t because of his work. The CDC doesn’t want a cranky kelpie making a mess of negotiations, so part of my job is to make sure Malcolm is present whenever we need to have a meeting with Kanika. We try to keep the Devil and Kanika separated, as for some damned reason, if we put them both in the same room, there’s at least one property damage charge leveled at them. Usually at her, as few are stupid enough to sue the Devil. Unfortunately, many are stupid enough to try to sue the Devil’s daughter. A piece of life advice, Darian: never sue the Devil’s daughter. That is how you earn Lucifer’s ire.”
“When I heard I’d be working with a secretary, I had something completely different in mind. Like working with someone who has a stable and safe desk job. Why am I starting to think your desk job is anything but safe?”
My job, which involved facing off against divines most days of the week, hardly classified as safe. Lucrative and fulfilling, yes. Safe, not precisely. “Frequent exposure to the Devil has something to do with that impression, I’m sure. Honestly? Lucifer is really pleasant to work with. He doesn’t want to waste time, so he is efficient. He comes to the table well aware negotiations will become complicated, but he complicates them in ways that don’t waste time. If a decision can’t be made, he will schedule future negotiations to give people a chance to think.”
“So, you’re saying it’s complicated.”
“It’s complicated. The Devil works best when people are comfortable with the decision they’re making. He doesn’t like when bargains create extra difficulties for him. My job is to set up the negotiations with the best CDC staffers to handle how the Devil likes to work. In terms of working with the CDC, he’s usually trying to manipulate people or situations to fit his needs, so he brings a good deal to the table in the first place. We know he’s doing something for his benefit, but he presents it in such a way the CDC has a difficult time refusing his requests. Take Kanika, for example. Darlene initially controlled Kanika’s file with the CDC as her guardian, but once the Devil started getting involved, he cut a bunch of deals to make sure her paperwork issues didn’t become issues. Whenever there was a snag in her paperwork due to her circumstances, either Darlene or Lucifer showed up to make sure it didn’t stay snagged. Kanika has no real idea how much background work those two have been doing on her behalf. Lucifer also has an agreement with the IRS to make certain she never really understands the horrors of taxes, especially now that she’s his heir. He works with Malcolm on that, too. And pays the bills when Kanika’s efforts render more of a financial windfall than she—or Malcolm—expects. Lucifer absolutely adores her, and Darlene cannot handle the thought of Kanika’s adulthood being as difficult as her childhood was. Honestly, they’re disgustingly good parents. And since Kanika doesn’t see the tax documents, she has no idea her husband is working with her father to make sure she gets to experience the calm peace she missed during her childhood. Usually, life works the other way around.”
“I’d say I’m more like Kanika in that regard. My fathers did not want me to be a wide-eyed innocent entering the world completely unaware of life’s dangers. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I was loved and consider myself to be happy. My mother made sure I wasn’t sheltered.”
I bet. “And they molded you to do what you’re doing now. Helping a crazy lady rescue her shelter cat from a lab. Because you know the world isn’t all happiness and rainbows.”
“Right. How about you?”
“Let’s just say my parents will turn me over their knees and spank me if they find out I have gone on numerous dinner dates with the Devil and liked it. They have limits. That’s one of their limits. If they find out I’m temporarily living with the son of a triad because I cut a deal with the Devil? Christmas dinner is going to be interesting.”
“Especially if the Devil and several archangels show up and they learn there is little the Devil loves more than dinner with his family.”
I grinned at the thought of the Devil showing up with his family at my parents’ place. “Yeah. Honestly, I’d love to see that.”
“That’s probably fairly easy to accomplish. Make the Devil do it as part of your hiring agreement. He’ll do a lot more than just visit some mortals on Christmas to win you as a secretary. Ask for presents, too. I still get presents from Lucifer. Apparently, until I’m at least a thousand years old, I will never be too old for presents.”
“I’m going to drive us to the store now. I need more time than we have to wrap my head around Satan acting like he’s Santa.”
“Nobody’s got time for that, Diana. Just remember something while we’re doing this. The Devil bargained to secure your cat’s life, but he is not giving us the solution to this puzzle. We need to take our time, and no matter how worried you get for your cat, we need to be meticulous. We’ll lose a lot more time if we have to come back to California because we weren’t thorough. I’d rather spare you that, because you’ll be far more upset we lost twelve hours compared to one.”
I got the SUV on the road, and it didn’t take me long to come to the conclusion Darian spoke the truth. “I’ll do my best. I know I was impatient yesterday. I’m just worried about Mr. Flooferson.”
“It’s okay to be impatient. It’s not okay to rush our investigation. It’ll just make our lives a lot easier if we do this right the first time.”
“I’ll do my best,” I promised.
The store Darian picked had two of the high-end laptops he liked, and in a moment of weakness—and a desire to interact with another human without it being on my work machine—I bought the second one for myself. Then I bought a new phone, the kind I liked rather than the CDC liked, put it on a good personal plan, and gave myself enough data I could play games on the road without worry. To meet the requirements for our investigative work, I got a burner phone with a decent camera and a memory card in case the cops confiscated it, three cameras with a collection of memory cards for the same purpose, and one high-end camera solely for my personal use.
