Page 39 of Grave Humor

“We all start from nothing, even the most powerful of beings and immortals. Even Christianity’s God is a being of creation, birthed by the universe in answer to a prayer.”

Christians wouldn’t like hearing that bit of lore. “But don’t Christians believe that he is the creator?”

“Many people who believe the same incorrect thing are still incorrect, no matter how badly they wish for it to be true. Christianity’s God is a constant, but not in the way you might believe. For as long as there are people, there will be people who will believe in such an entity. The same applies to that one, too.”

I snickered at Eoghan’s refusal to invoke the devil’s name. “No kidding. But don’t the legends claim they’ll be the first reborn after the end times?”

“Those two seeds, in particular, will be preserved. That is a gift of life itself. But there are others, and there will always be others. They just take forms you may not expect. I don’t know all of Earth’s secrets, and truth be told, I don’t want to learn them all. Right now, my aspirations involve protecting you and dealing with that director. I suspect he wants the node—or nodes, if rumor is to be believed. If there are multiple nodes here, it could be a problem. Nodes can conflict.”

“What do you mean by conflict?”

Gordon winced. “Should two nodes conflict, the reaction between them can become violent. I was created due to the clashing of two nodes.”

Sighing, Eoghan set aside his finished rind and picked up a new piece, taking a bite before saying, “Nodes conflict often at the beginning of an emergence. Magic surges into the world, and when it does, those sleeping nodes flare to life. Should two nodes be too close together, they go into a state of flux. This can create strong surges of magic, destruction, and general chaos. Should there be two nodes, we will need to be careful about relocating one to a safe distance. Anything can happen when nodes clash. Gordon’s existence as this emergence’s firstborn vampire is a prime example.”

“Which is why you survived being hacked apart, Gordon?”

“I wasn’t awake when I was hacked apart, much to my relief. I was staked first.”

Ew. “How’d you survive being staked?”

Eoghan laughed. “Staking is an ineffective method of killing a vampire. That’s superstitious nonsense meant to make people feel safer at night when a vampire hunts. Stakes mostly amuse vampires, especially the stronger ones. It would take a great deal to kill an emergence’s firstborn vampire. Every era has creatures like that. Every era I have witnessed has birthed at least a few new ones. Gordon should, like the other firstborn before him, survive from emergence to emergence, although I expect he will slumber between them much as I do. There are some who do not rest. I pity them.”

I found that hard to believe. “Why do you pity them?”

“Time is not kind to those who have seen a great deal of it. Our new friend is likely as he is because he has experienced so much time. He never rests, unlike Christianity’s God, who changes over time. He isn’t a true immortal, and when He dies, some new mortal takes over. It’s always interesting when this happens as a public event. I’ve witnessed it twice. Unfortunately, I’m the only one to live to tell such tales; at the moment of rebirth, He is visible in His full glory. Humans perish. As I’m not human, I didn’t perish, but I left with a greater understanding than I liked of the balance in the universe, which is strongly represented by those within Christianity. I wouldn’t go so far as to say their way is the right way, but it is representative of the universe, which is why the prophecies of their religion tend to hold great sway.”

“This is complicated,” I complained.

“Things worth knowing usually are. That leaves us with the matter of this director. He will be a risk to you. He likely believes he is a risk to me, but I know much he does not. You, however, are a much easier target. I still do not know what his true intentions were locking you in that cellar with me upon my awakening, but it was for no good purpose.”

“He probably thought you were like the vampire and needed to feed when you got up. That’s what we all believed,” I admitted. “All we knew was that the funeral home was being paid a sum yearly to keep you on ice. The CDC invoked an operational clause to keep you there, Gordon. I never found out why our funeral home was picked.”

“This is a remote place, and should I have awoken in a foul mood, there would have been fewer victims,” the vampire replied. “The CDC told me why I had been kept there. It had been their recommendation to keep me in pieces as well, as that does make it difficult to rise unattended.”

“Difficult or impossible?”

“Difficult. In time, I would have awoken, I suspect. And I would have awoken rather upset over the circumstances.”

“My method was the safest for all involved, and it helped you have such an amicable relationship with death.”

I considered the antique’s words, narrowing my eyes and enjoying another slice of my honey rock. It occurred to me my arm no longer hurt, and I broke all the rules and peeled off the bandages to check on the stitches.

The stitches flickered with blue flames, but beyond a few red marks where the threads remained embedded in my skin, all evidence of Gordon’s bites were gone. “Now that is cool.” I held out my arm to Gordon. “You have super teeth and sharp, pointy claws. Can you remove those stitches? I don’t need them anymore.”

Gordon examined my arm, made a soft noise in his throat, and checked my kitchen drawers until he found a pair of scissors, which he used to cut the stitches and pick them out. Removing them stung, but the blue fire jumped from the material to my skin and sealed the holes with a soothing warmth. “Who did this to you?”

“If we say his name he might show up,” I whispered, rubbing my arm where the vampire had bitten me. “I don’t know if I can deal with him showing up again tonight. Him showing up the first time rattled my nerves enough.”

“One of the fallen ones with a certain notoriety made an appearance after Anwen invoked his name at the mall. He went shopping with us, and he annoyed her so much she spent his money numerous times. It was a most amusing manipulation. I am still uncertain why he wished to show you favor, but you enjoyed yourself despite his presence, and I find he was strangely tolerable for what he is.”

Gordon sucked in a breath. “How notorious are we discussing here?”

“There are none more notorious than the one we discuss.”

“You met that one at the mall?”

I nodded, grabbing my next honey rock victim and chomping on it. “Poof! He just showed up. Don’t say his name unless you don’t mind him making an appearance. I had no idea that bit of lore was true—or why he’d care. He wants me to call his wife. Her name is Darlene.”