Page 26 of Her Sloth

“Fuck,” I breathe out and brake the car. What if she came there to say goodbye?

8

AUDREY

PLAYLIST: NOT AFRAID – EMINEM

Ispeed the car I got from the impound lot over the highway, in ways that car was never made for. It’s an older Mercedes; one without a headrest. Someone must’ve smoked an entire pack per day in the car, but I don’t care.

The steering wheel is vibrating like shit from the speed, and just for the fun of it, I let go of it. The car pulls heavily to the right, and I let it.

I press the throttle as much as it’s possible.

It was the one moment back there in the impound, where I knew I was done with everything.

I am not made to run those companies.

I am not even strong enough to shut the fuck up.

I hold up a lie for all these years, and now that I am all alone, really, truly alone⁠—

My phone vibrates.

Luke.

I ignore the phone and throw it on the passenger seat.

It rings again.

“Shut up!” I shout at it.

But it just doesn’t stop vibrating.

I grab it.

“What?” I curse into the speaker.

“Where are you?” his voice is stressed out.

“Somewhere in fucking New York,” I say.

“What are you doing?”

“What’s the matter?” I ask annoyed. I don’t want to speak to anyone right now.

“Tell me what’s up.”

“Fuck off,” I tell him and hang up.

Luke, whom I met on my first day in L.A. in his garage. I was standing in front of it, admiring the cars and what he was doing. He was the one who taught me everything about working on cars. And yet, all of that is so far away now. I am stuck in this shit show I tried to escape and whatever I do, there is no place far away on this earth where I can go to escape it. Because the shit is tied to my life like dog shit to a shoe.

My phone vibrates again.

And again.

“Luke, for fucks sake, get the hint,” I bark at him.

“You’ll listen to me, hun,” he says. “Whatever you are doing, you’ll stop that fucking car, get to the next airport and fly back here.”