Page 123 of Her Sloth

“First of all,” she says, and her fist hits his face so hard he stumbles to the side. “Secondly,” she says and pulls him close, “Congratulations. You’ll be a father.”

“WHAT?” I shout and run up to them.

My brother stares at me as if he has lost touch with earth.

“Go drive to Weehawken, because Nikki is losing her mind over there and I am of no fucking help.”

“She told you to hit me?!” asks my brother.

“No, that was on me, because you’re such a dumbfucker that she had to tell me first instead of you. Now get your ass in your car before I kick it there.”

My brother is frozen to the spot.

“He might need a reset,” I say and slap his face.

“I can’t be a father—“ he says.

“You already are one. Now go, idiot of a brother,” I say and stir him to his car.

“You think he’s making it there?” asks Addy with a laugh. “He looked like he met his maker.”

“He’ll survive; idiots always do,” I say. “Nikki is fucking pregnant?”

She turns to me, grinning and then cracking into laughing.

“No,” she says. “But it’s payback for last month. That little fucker, he’s not setting me up again.”

I laugh as I pat her shoulder. “Hate to break this to you, but after this we might have to lock our door permanently and, as a precaution, watch where you go or sit.”

“I will murder him.”

“You have my blessing,” I say with a chuckle. “So, you have a surprise?” I ask, because my love-hate relationship with surprises wants to know what it is.

“Yeah,” she says and walks back down to the green monster. “Get your helmet.”

“I’m not passenger princessing,” I say, following her down the stairs.

“You will,” she says, sitting on the motorcycle. “Or I will make you.”

She knows it the moment the words came out of her mouth. I know it. The Lord in the sky knows it. Everyone knows it.

I tilt my head, look her daringly in the eyes as I cross my arms.

“Well then,” I say with slightly pursed lips. “Make me.”

She closes her eyes in total annoyance for one second.

Opens them again.

Takes a deep breath in.

Exhales even longer.

“You either get your ass on this fucking bike in the next five seconds, or you will miss out on the best day of your life. I mean it’s your choice, but it would be sad if your own proudness keeps you away from the one thing you always wanted.”

I stomp to the garage like a toddler close to throwing a tantrum, because of course I won’t miss out on it, but I am also pissed because she just knows how to handle me in ways that scare me.

I put on the helmet and sit on the pillion seat. I’m just glad she doesn’t see my face right now.