Page 111 of Her Sloth

She tilts her head and bears me the side of her neck.

She breathes in deep.

“I’m scared too,” she then says silently, and I stop what I am doing. “I’m so scared of losing you too that I’d rather run away than feel that pain again.”

She looks into my eyes over her shoulder.

“I know,” I say and close my arms around her even tighter, even though it hurts like shit on my right side with the burns. “We can be scared together.”

“Okay,” she says.

A moment of silence passes.

“There is something else I have to tell you,” I say after a while.

“Even more?” she asks, sounding exhausted.

“Yeah,” I say as I let go of her. “Probably going to ruin this entire moment.”

She spins around and looks at me with fear in her eyes. But I can’t keep any more secrets. I need a clean slate. A fresh start. And none of it can happen with ghosts of the past haunting us both.

“Elise,” I say. “She was in love with someone else.”

28

CASS

PLAYLIST: WRECKING BALL – MILEY CYRUS

My mind doesn’t catch up to what Addy just said. I stare at her as I repeat the words in my mind.

She was in love with someone else.

“How do you know?” I hear myself ask.

“Lilian,” I say. “Elise planned everything.”

I shake my head.

No.

No.

This is not really happening.

Addy grasps my shoulders.

“Breathe and walk to the car,” she says. “There is a letter for you from Elise in the truck. I haven’t read it. It’s yours, and yours alone. You will read it, and if you want to run, you’ll take the truck and get home, wherever you think that is,” she says with such a beautiful smile on her face and watery eyes. “However, if you decide to stay, I’ll wait here for you.”

Part of me wants to run to the truck.

A part of me wants to never leave.

She kisses my forehead.

“Go,” she says.

I am scared.