Page 52 of Postscript

‘They have to. Somebody will feel good enough. I’m not going until I’ve that at least.’

The doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone and I don’t have the type of neighbours who call by unannounced. I hope that it’s not Gabriel. I’ve avoided his calls, not because I’m being dramatic but because I’m trying to determine how I feel. Sometimes I think the mind is a petri dish of accumulated information, all mushed together, and if I leave it to stew long enough I might find it doesn’t actually bother me at all, despite the fact it should. I’m waiting for that to happen. But I don’t want to have the conversation with him now and especially not in front of Ginika. Nor do I want to hear his reaction when he discovers that, in addition to guiding people on their letters, I’m teaching them how to write too. It’s one thing to help, it’s another for it to take over your life. And it’s the taking over my life that would be the debate, is the debate.

I open the door and find Denise, holding a bag wrapped in a dust cover.

‘Hey,’ she sings. ‘Just wanted to return the clutch you loaned me.’

She hands it to me, and steps into the house.

I look inside. ‘From last year?’

‘You should consider yourself lucky,’ she says, going straight into the living room. ‘I was going to keep it. Oh hello,’ she says, seeing Ginika and Jewel. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company.’

‘You didn’t ask. Denise this is Ginika. Ginika is a …’ I look at Ginika for permission and she nods ‘… member of the PS, I Love You Club.’

Denise succeeds in hiding the inevitable sadness she must feel on hearing that. She settles on a gentle smile. ‘Hi, Ginika. Nice to meet you.’ She goes over and hunches down to Jewel’s level. ‘And who is this beautiful girl? Hello!’ She makes all kinds of baby noises and Jewel grins. She offers her teething ring to Denise. ‘Oh thank you very much!’ Denise takes it and pretends to munch on it. ‘Yum yum yum.’

Jewel giggles.

‘You have it back,’ she hands it back to Jewel. Jewel takes it, slobbers on it and hands it back to Denise. Denise repeats the gesture. And this goes on.

‘Are you the Denise who had to be rescued in the sea on holiday in Lanzarote?’

Denise grins and flicks her hair. ‘Why yes I am. I was topless in a leopard-print thong. My finest hour.’

‘I think I left that detail out of the podcast.’

‘She left all the best bits out.’

Ginika smiles. A rare thing.

‘Denise—’

‘I’d love to hear about the karaoke night,’ Ginika continues. ‘Was it really as bad as Holly described?’

‘Bad? It was worse because I had to listen to it. Holly is as tone deaf as they come.’

‘OK, OK,’ I clap my hands, trying to get their attention. The only person who takes notice is Jewel, who claps along, her new favourite sport. ‘I’m sorry to break you girls up but we’re in the middle of something very important here, Denise, and Ginika has to leave in an hour.’

Denise looks at her watch, ‘That’s OK. I can wait. Will I make you both tea or coffee? Coffee for you, munchkin?’ she says to Jewel and tickles her. Jewel dissolves in giggles. ‘Do you want me to mind her while you guys work?’ Denise eyes the papers on the table.

‘Oh no,’ Ginika says, tightening her grip around Jewel’s waist. ‘She doesn’t go to anyone but me.’

‘Trust me,’ I say, backing her up. ‘She’s all sunshine and light, but as soon as you put her down, the darkness appears.’

‘Oh, I don’t believe that,’ Denise says, back on her knees again. ‘Will you come with Denise? Dee Nee? Jewel come to Dee Nee?’

‘Dee Nee?’ I ask, amused.

‘No, it’s OK, really,’ Ginika says, pulling Jewel away.

‘Are you sure?’ I ask Ginika. I wink at her conspiratorially. ‘Denise really loves babies.’ There is only one way to make Denise shut up and back off and that’s by her experiencing the full force of Jewel.

‘Um … OK,’ Ginika says, loosening her grip.

‘Yay!’ Denise says, holding her arms up and cheering. Jewel giggles. ‘Yay for Dee Nee!’

Jewel lifts her arms up in the air. The teething ring slams Ginika in the face. Then she lowers her arms again.