Page 90 of Resisting the Fall

“You look beyond amazing tonight, by the way. I never got a chance to tell you.”

I leaned toward him slightly. “You did say I looked really nice.”

Ben chuckled, his fingertips grazing the skin of my arm again and causing me to shiver. He paused, his gaze dropping to my dress, but with concern instead of his much-welcomed appreciation. “You must be freezing.”

I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to go inside yet, and I knew he would insist if he realized I actually was cold.

Ben took hold of my hand, and the feel of his rough, calloused skin sent a wave of pleasure through me. Those were the hands of a man who made a living by them. Strong, capable hands. “Your fingers are like ice, Maven.”

“Really, I’m not that cold.” My body protested my statement by throwing out another shiver.

Ben blew out a heavy breath, his gaze sweeping the cab as if looking for something he could give me to keep warm, but there wasn’t anything and he was only wearing a too-well-fitted tee. “Considering Carson is likely waiting by the door for you, it’s probably best if we get you inside anyway.”

He opened the door, and because I was a mature adult, I didn’t throw back my head and let out a groan like I very much wanted to. Instead, I took hold of Ben’s outstretched hand and allowed him to help me from the truck. He kept hold of it while we walked to the door, and I attempted to lock the feeling into the deepest recesses of my mind for safekeeping. Had I known last time how things would turn out, I would have been more intentional in appreciating every moment—every touch—for when those nights had come where, despite how upset I was at Ben for leaving, I longed for him.

On the top step, I turned to face him, still holding his hand. “Do you want to come in?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” he said, but his body language said no. “But I shouldn’t. I’m exhausted and I worry once I sit down, I’m not getting back up.”

“There is a futon in the office.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “Isn’t that where you’re sleeping?”

I gave a little shrug, allowing him to make of that what he would.

He paused, seemingly considering the situation, before letting out a quick breath. “I’d better just head back to the trailer. Finn will need to be let out. And you should get inside. It’s cold out here. I don’t want you to have any excuses for canceling our plans tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Ben took a backward step, slowly releasing my hand. “Sleep well, Maven.”

I smiled, recalling the night he’d first kissed me and he’d awkwardly told me to sleep well. Only this time, there hadn’t been a kiss. Gripping his hand before he could pull it entirely from my grasp, I moved closer to him. Sliding my hand behind his neck and lifting onto my toes, I placed a soft kiss on his cheek. I lingered long enough that his hands settled on my waist and his fingers curled into the fabric of my dress. He drew in a slow inhale, resting his forehead against mine.

After an agonizing wait for his kiss, he stepped back again. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

My shoulders dropped slightly, but I nodded. At least one of us had some self-control.

With one final wave, I headed inside to find Carson waiting for me on the couch.

“Hey.” I slumped onto the cushion next to him. Not only had Ben not kissed me, I now needed to explain to my brother why that was so disappointing.

Carson didn’t say anything but just waited.

“You think I’m making a mistake.” I glanced over at him. “Don’t you?”

“It depends. Where is this going?”

I set my gaze forward again, my chest tight. “Nowhere.”

“Then, yeah. It’s probably a mistake.”

My eyes stung, but I blinked away my tears. When Ben left, I’d had no closure. I hadn’t even seen it coming. I knew he’d been unhappy in New York, but for him to just leave like he did. To end things. It broke me. I recognized now that his leaving had led me to a career I loved. A career that fulfilled and excited me. But that didn’t mean I hadn’t been mad at Ben for years. That I wasn’t still mad he’d never given me a choice. And yet somehow, being with him again seemed to heal that part of me he’d broken. Was it so bad to want that? Even if I knew that in a few short weeks, we’d be back to living our separate lives?

Carson wrapped his arm around me. “I’m also not going to sit here and pretend that if it were me in the situation, I would do anything differently. I just don’t want to see you hurt again. Or Ben.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. “I know. We’ll be careful.”

“I still can’t believe you came all the way to New York,” Maven said, hugging my mom in our hotel lobby.