Page 104 of In Every Chapter

You messed up big time. How could you be so careless? The one person she shouldn’t be afraid of, and now she thinks you’re a monster.

I shook my head, trying to clear the condemning thoughts. I might have messed up, but I couldn’t just do nothing. I knew she had insecurities about arguments. I’d used our code phrase “I just need a minute”—my promise to her that we were a team, that I just needed a moment to process. But she didn’t remember that.

You failed her again.

I sucked in a rasping breath. That one hurt the most. Frustrated, I grabbed my phone again.

It rang twice before Myles picked up. “Hey, Grey. She’s here.”

“Is she okay?” Well, that’s a stupid question.

Myles was quiet for a moment. He was a naturally quiet guy, but he saw more than most people. “No. But she will be.”

“I take it I wouldn’t be welcome?”

“I think she’ll need some time.” Myles hesitated. “She wasn’t keen on having me around. But Jules is with her now.”

My sister was a bulldog, so I knew Paisley was in capable hands. But I wanted it to be me. If only I hadn’t . . . I should have . . .

“Hey.” Myles’s deep baritone cut through the haze of accusing thoughts. “Don’t beat yourself up. You had no control over which memories she’d get back. This isn’t your fault.”

How I wished that was true. I’d been frustrated, and that failure hadn’t helped me keep her safe. It had turned me into the monster.

I wanted to throttle a dead man. Or punch a wall. Neither of which were helpful, so after hanging up with Myles, I attacked the woodpile.

It was still a couple months till we needed wood for the stove, but I was getting an early start. Anything to chase away the buzzing need for violence swirling in my veins. And if I imagined Jared’s face on every piece of wood I split, this would indeed be cathartic.

SMACK.

I tossed the split pieces into a pile and lined up another shot.

This was too much. The memory loss. The pressure from Keegan to join the agency. The terror on Paisley’s face.

How could I protect this woman when I wasn’t even sure I could protect her from myself? That nightmare a few weeks ago could have ended far differently. Even if falling asleep in her arms was the best sleep I’d had since before the accident.

But you could hurt her.

SMACK.

Chest heaving, I stared at the sky, the dying sunset streaked with amber and coral. I just needed . . .

God, I don’t even know what I need anymore. I just . . . I got nothing. I just want my wife back.

Chapter forty-six

Paisley

Seven years ago . . .

I studied my reflection in the mirror, wincing at the black eye blinking back at me. The mottled bruise did horrible things for my green eyes. I had class in fifteen minutes with no way of hiding this.

It wasn’t the first time Jared had hit me. Just the first time he wasn’t careful enough to mark me somewhere I couldn’t hide. How had my life come to this?

I knew how, objectively. I’d fallen for the first guy who’d shown interest in me. Because after a lifetime of not being wanted, there was something heady about being the sole focus of a man’s desires. He’d been so attentive, and I’d brushed off the little red flags that had pinged my brain. Just because he wasn’t exactly like bookish heroes I’d read about didn’t make him a bad guy.

But I should have listened. Because nothing had prepared me for the sweet nothings to turn to rough fists.

The ugly purple splotches on my face weren’t subtle, and there was no way I could walk across campus like this. Unless . . . could I? I didn’t wear much makeup, just the occasional mascara. And that wasn’t going to be of any help. Besides, I was pretty sure the tube was six months past expiration—goes to show how little I actually used it. I hadn’t even known makeup expired until I’d met Stephanie.