Page 64 of Experiments in Offline Dating

“Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

“Picnics should not be rushed, Tadhg. Don’t you know anything at all?”

“I know if you don’t keep the sass out of your tone, you’ll be walking back to Lisdoonvarna.”

“Might be preferable.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s what I thought.”

Round gray pebbles squeaked and slid under our shoes as we walked in. The cave was plenty wide enough to avoid the stream, and somewhere not too far in was a soft glow in the shadows. Tadhg pulled a small flashlight from his bag and kept the ground illuminated.

“Here’s hoping there’s nothing creepy or menacing down there,” I joked.

“I wouldn’t worry.”

“There aren’t any dangerous wild animals in Ireland?”

“Well, you’re here now, but you’re non-native.”

I snorted against my will.

I could hear the rush of water, and the air was cooler here. A cold breath howled slightly as it blew through the cave and skittered across our skin. Then the cavern opened up before us. Above us was a large oval hole to the sky, where the sun was fighting through the drizzle and prisming through the drops of water into a sheen of rainbow. Water trickled and crashed to the floor of the cave, where it had slowly and patiently carved out a little round pool over a millennium. It tripped down the rocks, its melody echoing off the walls. Ferns and moss grew, turning the stark, cold gray into something living, soft, and breathing.

“This is . . .”

“Yeah. Magic.”

We stood there for a moment and just listened to the water. I’d never been in a cave other than show caves like Carlsbad Caverns. This was different. This was private. This was a fantasy.

“I guess that’s the rock they sat on over there, right? Seems pretty dry.”

“Probably.”

“So, should I enjoy this delicious picnic all on my own, or are you going to tell me that this was a great idea?”

He scoffed. “I’d sooner starve to death.”

I looked him up and down, assessing. “You’re a very small man on the inside, aren’t you?” He shot me a look that I wanted a photo of.

The hike had heated me up, so I unzipped my raincoat and took it off. It hadn’t been much use against the Irish rain—my top was wet in patches, and so was my hair. Not that it mattered much, because my sports leggings and hiking boots were completely drenched and spattered in mud. I scrambled my hair out to dry. This earned me a look too, but I couldn’t tell what I’d done wrong. Maybe Tadhg didn’t need a reason to be disappointed in you.

I unfolded my travel towel and spread it across the stone, then I pulled out the sandwiches, crisps, and drinks, and finally, I took the lid off an old plastic ice cream tub that held two huge slices of chocolate cake. They’d been tossed around a little, and the icing was a mess, but the smell was divine. I pulled out my phone and snapped some shots.

“See? It’s just like the picnic Bill and Orla had! Well, without the flowers and the life-altering sex, of course.”

“Christ, Maya.” Tadhg bristled and walked away. “You don’t have to say everything that pops into that head of yours.”

That tone—that total annoyance, the anger. Screw asshole protocol, I wasn’t doing this to hold my own anymore. I was doing it for the dopamine hit.

He took his raincoat off as well and flung it over a rock, then slipped his sweater over his head—the one I had borrowed the day before. His back was to me, but I noticed him pause and bring the collar up to his face and inhale. Did it smell like my perfume? Maybe he didn’t like his clothes smelling like other people either. He made to throw it on the rock on top of his coat, then changed his mind and slipped it back on and smoothed it out, much to my dismay. I always preferred to dine with a view—of forearms.

“Hurry up. We shouldn’t stay long,” he said, just in case I was enjoying myself. I handed him a sandwich and he sat down next to me. I opened the bag of sea-salt-and-black-pepper kettle chips and put them between us.

“So, tell me about yourself, Tadhg.”