Page 19 of Experiments in Offline Dating

“Is that going to be okay for ye?”

“It’s good, thanks. Sweet and mild, the way I like it.” I stared pointedly. “I prefer tall drinks that aren’t so sour they make your whole body pucker.”

His brow wrinkled, but he didn’t respond, clearly thrown off.

That’s right. En garde, hot stuff!

“So, tell me. What is there to do here in Lisdoonvarna?”

He sighed. “You’re looking at it.” He leaned back in the bench and gestured vaguely at the beer and music. The craic, if my research had served me.

“Am I?” I let my eyes travel up his body. “Pickin’s are slim. If this is all there is to do here, I’d better get a stepladder.”

He blinked but didn’t attack me back. Is it not working? Am I insult-flirting wrong? I should have done more research! I beat back a little wave of panic and filled the silence.

“So, then. What do you do for a living, Tige?” It was a totally normal question, but I put a little distaste in my voice to keep the flirting on track.

“I’m a farmer. Like I said.”

“A farmer? What kind? Potato?” I winked.

His eyes narrowed. “Sheep.”

As it turns out, you don’t have to unclench your jaw even a tiny bit to say the word “sheep.”

“Sheep, huh? Well, that explains the smell.”

It didn’t. He smelled like something delicious that I wanted to roll in like a naughty dog. This time, I saw the slap make contact. That’s right, big boy. Pull my pigtails.

But before he could respond a young man placed a couple of menus in front of us. “Good evening. Oh, hiya, Tadhg. Good to see ye.”

My date turned and blinked, his narrowed eyes softened, and then his face totally transformed to something I hadn’t yet seen.

“Connell! I didn’t know you were working the season, mate.”

“Ah, well, you know.”

“How’s your mam been keeping?”

“Oh, she’s better. Ye know. Every day a little better.”

“That’s really good to hear. She’s lucky to have ye, mate. And Dublin will still be there when summer’s over.” I tried to focus on my menu and stop eavesdropping, but I couldn’t pull my eyes away from my date behaving like a nice person. “Would you tell her from me that I’ll be ’round tomorrow to fix that gate if she’ll promise to keep Finn company for me. Finn can’t get enough of your ma.” Interesting! Who’s Finn?

“She’ll be really happy to hear that. Thanks, Tadhg.” The server broke conversation then and looked at me, as if suddenly noticing I was there. “Oh, wow—the dating game, right?” He laughed. “I heard about that!”

“Christ, of course you did. It’s already been ten whole minutes.”

“Good on ye, I say. Can I get yous something to eat, then?”

“I guess you should.” Tadhg’s voice made it very clear that he was not at all interested in sharing a meal with me, but he ordered anyway. “I’ll take the fish and chips.”

Mmm. Real Irish fish and chips!

“Me too, thanks.”

“If you like seafood, you might think of trying the fish pie,” Tadhg suggested to me from out of nowhere, surprising me with thoughtfulness. “It’s amazing here. Why don’t we get them both and share?”

He was being nice. That was the opposite of what I wanted. I couldn’t let us stray into non-sexy-banter territory and end up with one of those polite job-interview dates. What was the best way to play this? I had no idea, but they were both staring at me, so I grabbed for the first stupid thing that popped into my head.