Page 13 of Check You Out

I look down at the sleeping little dog in my lap.

I wonder what he’d think of Thelma, I think to myself. Or more like, what would she think of him? Does Charlotte like dogs?

“Will you help me ask her out?” I ask as Xander takes a draft of water.

He chokes on it.

“You alright there?” I slap his back.

He coughs out. “Yeah. I just didn’t expect you to ask for my help. I’m not super popular with women or anything.”

“You’ve had one girlfriend since I’ve known you.”

He gestures for me to go on. “That was a situationship.”

“I’ve been in a multi-year dry spell. I’m an introvert with social anxiety.”

He buries his head in his hands. “How did your last relationship go?”

I blink, remembering a kind woman, with brown eyes and long brown hair, with fondness. “Her name was Ashley,” I say wistfully. “We started dating my first year at Canterbury High. She taught US history. She asked me out. I said yes. We dated for two years before she decided to move back home to LA because her mom got sick.”

“You’ve had a girlfriend for two years, and you can’t approach Charlotte?”

I raise a finger. “Ashley asked me out. I’ve never actually initiated a relationship.” Memories flash in my mind. “My first girlfriend, Emma, asked me out by writing me a poem. We broke up when we went to different schools. My college boyfriend, Logan, planned a whole flash mob to ask me out. He broke up with me because he moved to New York.” I shrug.

“Well, flash mobs are fucking stupid.” He rubs his eyeball, wincing. “You’ve never asked anyone out? What about dating apps?”

Shaking my head, I reply, “I don’t like the lack of human connection.”

Xander ponders my words and leans back against the couch, the cushions hissing from the weight of his torso. “Ok, what do you like about her?”

I press my lips together, letting the moments replay in my mind. “We have similar interests in books.” I clench my jaw, thinking more. “I really like her passion. She cares about her town and her business. She’s intelligent.” A grin spreads across my face. “She’s pretty.” The smile dies as I remember our conversation. “She was weirded out by me, I’m sure of it.”

He nods. “Charlotte will you if she is weirded out.”

“Really?” I ask, tilting my head like Lloyd does when he hears a weird sound.

“Yup. She always tells me when I fuck up. She’s like my little sister.” He frowns. “Because of I’m here de facto older brother, I’m obligated to tell you that if you break her heart, I will kick your ass.”

“As expected.” I nod. “Why haven’t you invited her or Nicole over?”

He shrugs. “Because that means cleaning the house. Ain’t nobody got time for that.” He motions to the floor and a stray tuft of hair.

I lift a shoulder. “Fair enough.” I shift my body to face him. “Are you gonna help me talk to Charlotte? Please.”

Xander studies me for a moment. He sucks on his teeth and swivels his head, like he’s taking great pains to deliberate over whether or not he’s going to take me on as his pupil.

“Will you help me?” I plead.

He peers at me. “Alright, if you make me your best man at the wedding. I look good in a suit, and I do need a new profile pic for work,” he says with a grin.

“You can be a groomsman. Lloyd is going to be my best man.” I hold up my dog in front of me like he’s Simba from The Lion King.

Shaking his head, Xander smiles. “I will concede to him., but only him. He’d look so adorable in a tux.” He claps his hands together and rubs them. “You’re seeing her tomorrow, right?”

“We’re meeting at Triple C to write the petition.”

“Excellent progress already, young grasshopper. What are you ordering?”