Page 100 of When In Doubt

“No,” I breathe. “Definitely still scary.”

When the alarm first went off, it felt like the world was ending. It was so loud I thought my head was going to burst. That feeling only went away when I saw Oscar get out of the truck.

Valerie reaches out to squeeze my knee. “You’re taking it like a champ.” She gives me a playful wink. “I mean, you seemed to be doing better than my son.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, he can be a worrier.” I don’t want to admit it, but I kind of like it. It’s not the way my mom worries, like she thinks I can’t manage. It’s more so that he’s always taking note, seeing what I’m doing and trying to figure out ways he might be able to help.

Valerie frowns, her eyes clouding. “He really cares about you, Freya.”

It’s not the words that stop me breathing, it’s the way she says them. As if she’s trying to reach into my chest and tie them inside of me.

“I know,” I finally get out.

She watches me, reading everything I’m not saying. I see now where Oscar gets it from, his ability to cut right to the heart of people.

“Do you think Oscar’s alright?” He looked so distressed when he arrived, I’m worried how he’s holding up.

“He’ll manage. This kind of stuff is just hard for him.”

“What kind of stuff?” Surely he’s accustomed to dealing with fires?

Valerie pauses, weighing her words. “Did he ever tell you about his dad?”

I tap the edge of my fingernail against my mug. “I know they were close, and that he passed away.”

Valerie gives a sad smile. “Did you know that Oscar was with him when it happened?”

“What?” My spine stiffens. Why didn’t I know about that?

“It was all very sudden.” She has to clear her throat. I put down my mug on the coffee table, reaching across to take her hand. “The two of them were out fishing when Tom had his stroke. Oscar did everything he could, but…” Her voice fails her and I scoot forward to pull her into a hug.

It’s almost unsettling, seeing Valerie looking this fragile. She’s usually so stalwart, perpetually unflappable.

“Do you know what caused it?” I ask.

She releases me with a pat to the shoulder. “Apparently there was a blood vessel in his brain that was just weaker than the others.”

“I’m so sorry, Valerie.”

She gives me a sad smile. “It was incredibly difficult for Oscar, not being able to help him. It’s made him a bit overprotective, especially with the people he loves.”

I flush at her use of the word, even though I know that’s not how she means it. God, I can’t imagine how hard that would have been for Oscar.

After all that, what if I’m too much for him? “I don’t want him to worry about me.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I think that ship’s sailed.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

“That boy’s crazy about you, I don’t think that’s going away.”

I lie awake, listening to the hum of the dishwasher and the quiet sounds of Valerie sleeping in the next room. The light from the hallway seeps through the crack under the door, casting Oscar’s room in a soft light. I can just about make out the outline of band posters still tacked to the wall, and the circles of discoloration on the ceiling left over from glow-in-the-dark stars that have long fallen off.

I roll over, pulling the comforter with me. The bed’s only just long enough, my toes hanging off the end. Grabbing my phone from the bedside table, I check the time. I have to squint as my eyes struggle to adjust to the brightness, but I can just about see the numbers reading 2:04 a.m.

Is this too presumptuous? Is Oscar gonna mind me sleeping in his bedroom, looking at his things?

I groan, finally admitting defeat. There’s no way I’m getting to sleep tonight, not after everything that’s happened.