Page 29 of When In Doubt

I hold my arms out as he takes a tentative hold of the pole with one hand, then the other. I see the gears turning in his head as he slowly reaches out with a foot.

“You got it,” I encourage.

Eventually he jumps, whooping in delight as he slides down the pole. I steady him as he hits the mat, smiling at his bright eyes and flushed cheeks.

“I did it!”

“You were amazing.” I high-five him. “I’m so proud of you.”

My chest swells as he wraps his little arms around me in a tight hug. “Thanks, Oscar.”

“You’re so welcome.”

He runs back over to a grinning woman. She mouths a ‘thank you’ over his head that I wave away before turning back to help the next kid who wants to try.

When they all seem to have finally exhausted themselves, I wander back into the main room, scanning the space for that coat. Is she still here? Maybe she got bored and left after I ditched her again?

I finally spot her near one of the trucks, scrolling on her phone. Where’s Becca? I know she wouldn’t have left Freya alone, but she might’ve gone back to the diner.

A little boy crosses in front of her, and Ryan helps him up into the driver’s seat of the truck. His mom snaps a quick photo before Ryan starts showing him all the different buttons and controls. He squeals with laughter as the different lights turn on and off and I catch Freya’s slight flinch. She edges away as the blue lights start flashing.

I’ve just started toward her when the kid hits the button for the siren, unleashing an ear-splitting wail. I silently curse Ryan—he was under strict instructions not to let anybody set it off while the truck was still in the bay. The red beams rotate around the room, casting everyone in a harsh light as hands are clasped over ears and shocked laughter adds to the cacophony of sound.

When I turn back to Freya, my blood runs cold. She’s pale, eye scrunched shut like she’s in pain. As I get closer I see the trembling that racks her frame, getting worse with each pulse of noise, and I pick up to a jog.

An image flashes across my vision. My dad, holding his head, doubled over in the boat. I move faster. Is she alright? Is she sick? It’s like the panicked animal inside my brain takes over, just screaming fix it, fix it, fix it.

As I pass the truck I clap Ryan on the shoulder. “Shut that off, man,” I say quietly, not wanting to make a scene. Then I keep walking, not stopping until I’m in front of Freya. Her breaths are coming fast and I’m worried she might pass out.

“Freya? You’re okay, you’re fine.” I try to keep my tone soft, my EMT training kicking in. “I’m gonna get you out of here, I got you.”

When I gently turn her, she leans into me a fraction and I hate myself for how much I like it.

It’s not about you, asshole. She’d probably go with anyone if they were gonna take her away from here.

I keep up my rambling as we move, hoping that it’s reassuring. I lead her out into the med bay and deposit her onto the bed, her frame rigid. The siren finally turns off and my ears ring in its absence. Fucking hell, I’m going to have words for Ryan after this.

I close the door for good measure before grabbing a rolling stool and a med bag, my body going into autopilot. If I let myself focus too hard on the way Freya’s still shaking, or the single tear that’s leaked from the corner of her eye, I’ll lose it. Without the siren I can hear the low groaning that’s coming from her chest and Christ, she sounds like a wounded animal.

Fragments of memory start coming together, like a puzzle clicking into place. The way she doesn’t like being touched, how she never quite looks me in the eye.

I think I know what might help.

I spin toward a nearby drawer and dig around until I find the pair of ear defenders. I take them back to her, my movements careful. “I’m going to put these on you, okay?” I take her wrists, easing them away from her head until I can slide them into place. A strand of hair gets caught on one side and I reach up to untangle it, tugging it free.

I was right to wonder. It’s like silk in my hands. Now that I’ve felt it once I just want to sink my fingers in and let it cascade over me like water.

I shake the thought away.

With the ear defenders secured and the siren turned off, Freya’s breathing evens out. I wait with her, nowhere else I need to be, until she finally opens her eyes.

“Hey there,” I say.

She blinks at me in confusion, looking around like she doesn’t know how she got here.

“Feeling a bit better?”

“Yeah… um… sorry… I just…” Her words are jumbled as she flexes her hands, easing them out of their clenched position.