Page 172 of When In Doubt
“Should I be worried?” he asks.
As soon as I’m within arm’s reach, he grabs my hips and maneuvers me until I’m back where I was before, straddling his thighs.
“I was going to give you this for your birthday,” I say, suddenly feeling shy. What if he hates it? I’ve been working on it in secret for a few weeks, ever since the day at the lake.
A tiny smirk flickers across his expression, and I almost sag with relief at the sight of him smiling again. Slowly, not looking him in the eye, I reveal what I’m holding, laying it on his chest.
He picks it up and shakes it until the fabric unfurls, a navy-blue cable knit that I thought would go with his eyes.
His hint of a smile bursts into a full grin as he sees what he’s holding. “You knit me a sweater?”
I nod. “It’s okay if you don’t like—”
He cuts me off by slamming his lips into mine. His kiss is needy, wanting, teeth scraping lips and tongues clashing as we each fight to get as close as possible. I wind my fingers through his hair, rising up on my knees as he groans into my mouth. When we break away, I’m panting, feeling the flush on my cheeks. Oscar takes ahold of my chin and pins me in place with his gaze.
“I love it. It’s perfect.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you how I felt. I was just so scared of the words. I thought that maybe I could show you instead.”
“What about your curse?”
“I don’t care about that.” I don’t think I ever did. “I know it’s taken me a long time to get here, but I’m here now. I’m all in. I’ve been scared for so long, trying to stop myself from ever being hurt again. But you’ve made me feel brave again. I know I can give you my heart, and that you’ll take good care of it.”
“I’ll never hurt you,” he murmurs.
“I know.” I kiss him again, gentle this time. “But you can’t shut me out again. If I’m trusting you, then you have to trust me back. I can handle it.”
He sighs, like he’s fighting with himself. when he finally looks up at me, his gaze has cleared, the crease between his brows gone. “We got called to a barn fire last night and… and I just froze. I couldn’t do it.”
“Oh, Oscar,” I breathe. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him into me. He tucks his face into my neck and we just breathe together.
“I’m going to call the chief tomorrow, step down as acting captain.”
“Are you sure?” If that’s what he wants, then I support him completely, but I know how seriously he takes this role.
He nods against me. “And I’m going to ask for some more time away, and to see the department counsellor.”
“That’s what you want?”
“I’m not ready yet. I need to get more support.”
It’s so rare for him to think of himself, to take what he needs. I’m so proud of him I could almost cry.
“That’s okay, you’re allowed to put yourself first. You can’t do the job you need to do if you’re not taking care of yourself.”
“Losing Mack… It brought up everything that happened with my dad and I just…” He loses his words. I hold him tighter, like I can hold him together if I just keep my arms around him. “I need some more time.”
I presses kisses into the top of his head, hoping he can read how much I love him in the beat of my heart. “I’m so proud of you,” I murmur, “I love you so much.”
Every time I tell him, it gets easier.
He pulls away, looking back up at me, eyes shining.
“I feel like I’ve loved you for so long, Freya. First it was just a crush, the idea of you, then I couldn’t get you out of my head, and when you came back…” He trails off on a gasp. “When you came back, it was like every dream I ever had coming true. You’re so different from who I thought you were, but the reality is so much better. You’re everything to me. I don’t think I can ever be without you again”
“You don’t ever have to be.” I run my thumb under his eye, wiping away a stray tear that’s fallen. I nod down to the sweater. “I know I’m not good at telling you, but I thought if you ever needed proof—”
He cuts me off with a soft kiss.
