Page 154 of When In Doubt

“You’re going?” I check my watch. He doesn’t usually leave for another forty-five minutes.

“Yeah, got a lot to get through.” He rounds the table, dropping a kiss to the top of my head.

“Okay, I love you!” I call to his back as he opens the front door.

“You, too.”

He leaves without looking back, feet thundering down the metal steps. With each clang, it’s like I feel the vibration through my body, shaking everything loose.

I am not going to cry right now. Nothing happened. He’s just busy.

I tell it to myself over and over, but that doesn’t stop the tears from falling.

Three hours later, Luci’s crashing into me so hard we almost both end up on the floor of the terminal. She’s dragging a small suitcase behind her and there’s a backpack wedged awkwardly between us where it got caught during her sprint towards me.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too,” I wheeze back. She hugs like an anaconda. I can’t believe how long it’s been. Even though we talk at least a couple of times a week, it’s not the same. I hang on to her, soaking in the contact. She’s happy to let me, always been able to tell when I needed it.

“Come on, we’d better get going.” I grab her backpack strap as we separate and slide it off her shoulder.

I lead her out to my car and help get her suitcase loaded into the trunk. Once we’re both inside, I take a second to just stare at her. She’s here. She’s actually here. A slow grin spreads across my face which she returns, twisting in her seat to face me. After a minute, I can’t take the stare down anymore and laugh. “I can’t believe you’re in Colorado.” I put the car into gear and drive out of the lot.

“I know,” she groans. “I swear to God, if I get eaten by a cow…”

“What do you think is happening out here?”

“I don’t know!” She throws her hands up. “I assume it’s just a lot of wildlife that wants us all dead.”

“I think you’re going to be really disappointed.” I roll my eyes, earning a whack to the arm. “Hey!” I squeal. “Don’t interfere with the driver!”

“Then stop making fun of me!”

“You deserve to be made fun of. You’re acting like you’re going to get stolen in the night by a leopard.”

Our bickering gets interrupted by a chime from my phone. “Can you check that?” I ask her.

She picks up the device and enters the password she’s known since we were seventeen. “Ooh, it’s your man.” She does a little shimmy. I texted Oscar to let him know we were headed back. “He says ‘sounds good, see you later.’ Well, that’s boring.”

I wince slightly, she doesn’t miss it.

“What’s that about?”

“He’s just busy. They made him acting captain last week, and it’s been a lot.”

“In what way?” she asks carefully.

“He’s got a lot on his plate. It’s been a tough transition.”

She pauses, watching me. “But he’s still being good to you, right?”

“Of course he is, he’s the best. He’s just been a bit distant.” I reach over to squeeze her knee. I don’t want her worrying about me. She’s done enough of that to last a lifetime.

“Distant how?”

“He’s going through a lot. Losing Mack brought up all this stuff from when his dad died. I mean, I think, he’s not really been talking to me about it.”

“I’m sorry, Freya, that’s rough.”