Page 151 of When In Doubt

Maybe I could have seen something before it was too late, I could have gotten him help. I let him die, and then I let Mack die, and somehow it means that I’m finally getting the thing I used to think was my due? How is any of this fair?

There were so many times that Mack pushed me to try and make captain, but he was seeing something that wasn't there. I know he thought I could do it, but what if he was wrong?

“You there, son?” Galloway asks.

“Yes, sorry sir.”

“You gonna let me down?”

Bastard. Of course he knows exactly what to say.

“No, sir.”

“Excellent, I’ll have the paperwork filed today.”

Chapter Forty-Nine

FREYA

Icheck my phone for the hundredth time this afternoon. Nothing. I place it in the top drawer of my desk and shut it with more force than necessary.

He’s fine.

Everything’s fine.

I’ve spent the entire day trying to talk myself out of calling Oscar, to see how it’s going at the station. I’m sure if he needed anything, then he’d call.

There’s been a steady stream of customers since around noon, but it still hasn’t been busy enough to distract me from my anxious mind. I want to help him, but I don’t know how. He’s been so closed off, not wanting to burden me with his feelings. It’s like no matter how many times I say it, he doesn’t believe that I actually want to know everything he’s going through, that I want to help carry some of the weight of it.

I know there’s no way I’ll ever truly understand, but I wish he’d let me try.

The door chimes and a young man comes in, giving me a quick smile before making a beeline for the pegboard. I leave him to it, he seems to know what he’s doing. I go back to my laptop where I’m working on supplier invoices, trying to keep myself busy.

I work through them in a daze, only stopping when the man comes up to the counter to pay for his yarn.

“Thanks,” he says quietly as he goes, stopping in the doorway to let someone else in. I look up, ready to greet them, but my chest clenches so hard I can’t get the words out.

The last time I saw Joni she was being led out of the station by her sister, eyes hollow, hands grasping like she was trying to hold on to something that wasn’t there. Seeing her now, she still looks nothing like the woman I met at that party. She looks wrecked. Her red-brown hair is pulled back into a messy bun and her lips are drawn into a tight line. She’s holding a plastic bag and I can see her knuckles blanched white where she grips it.

I stand, feeling as though I should go to her and wrap her in a hug, but I stop myself. She hardly knows me, would she even want that?

“Joni, hi,” I manage to get out.

“Hey, Freya.” She gives me a strained smile.

“How are, um…” I trail off, realizing that it’s a stupid question.

She gives a slow nod. “I’m staying with my sister.” It’s not exactly an answer, but it’s enough.

I shuffle toward her. I hate how awkward I’m being, but I have no idea what to say, how I can help.

Eventually, she takes pity on me and starts talking again. “I came to bring you this.” She holds out the bag to me and I take it, placing it on the desk to open it. Inside is a bundle of green fabric. I pull it out to reveal a cable knit sweater, way too big to be Joni’s.

“Is this….?”

“That’s Mack’s.” She says with a solemn nod. “It’s one of his favorites. Was,” she corrects with a grimace.

“Does it need repairing?” I run my fingers over it, but I can’t see any visible damage. It’s a chunky knit made of a soft wool. “It’s beautiful.”