Page 112 of When In Doubt

“I think so?” My breathing stutters and I feel my heart rate pick up.

“What’s going on?” He frowns. “Do you want to stop?”

I don’t know how to explain it. Stopping is the absolute last thing I want to do, but I can’t help the niggle of apprehension that chews at me. Sex has always been uncomfortable for me, always for someone else, to try to appease someone, to make sure they weren’t upset with me. It turned it into something ugly and scary.

That’s not what’s happening now. I know I’m in control, that I’m doing this because I want to. But it still doesn’t wipe away everything that’s come before.

“I’m just nervous,” I mumble. “But I want to keep going.”

“Are you sure?” A pained look crosses his face. “I don’t want to hurt you. I never want to do anything that’s gonna hurt you, or make you scared.”

“I’m not scared.” I reach up to cup his jaw.

“Okay.” He frowns, and I don’t know if he quite believes me. “If anything changes, just say the word okay?”

“Okay.” I smile and he finally lets go of some of the tension that’s been lining his shoulders.

With a slow kiss, he starts to press in. I gasp at the sensation, the stretch. He works himself in a little further and I break our kiss, blowing out a long breath. He pauses, waiting for me to get my bearings, but when I tip my chin up to kiss him again, he continues the slow intrusion.

We repeat that a few more times, Oscar kissing me through it, stopping to let me adjust. I don’t know how long it takes but I’m so full that I feel like I could burst, like I’m coming apart at the seams.

“Is that all of it?” I pant.

He looks down at me with a sheepish expression. “Um, not quite.”

“How?” I gasp.

He chuckles, and I feel it through every inch of my body. “Just a little more, you got it.”

He thrusts deeper, his face focused. It’s tight, really tight, and it stings a little, but somewhere behind the ache there’s a blissful fullness.

I don’t realize my eyes are squeezed shut until he drops a delicate kiss, like the wing of a butterfly, across each eyelid. “Stay with me,” he murmurs.

I look at him again, seeing whole worlds in his expression.

“Fuck, Freya, you’re doing so good,” he practically growls into my ear, getting deeper with each slow push.

I feel so full that taking more doesn’t seem like a possibility. But then his arm snakes under my hips, pulling them up and changing the angle, and suddenly it’s so, so good. He slides home on a final thrust, fully seating himself inside me as we both moan.

“Freya,” he groans. “Fuck, you feel incredible, you take me so well.”

I thought I would be embarrassed by him talking like that, but I just get more turned on with every whispered word, every hoarse praise that he heaps onto me.

“Can I move?” he asks, voice strained. “Please?”

“Just-just one more second.” I need longer to get used to this pressure, and the way I can feel him in every atom of my being.

“Of course.” He kisses across my cheeks, down my jaw, my throat. He finds a particularly sensitive spot near my collarbone that has me jolting with pleasure. I feel him grin against my skin as he gauges my reaction. Then he sucks on it, hard. My hips buck in response and the friction is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.

“Please,” I beg, my eyes rolling back, “you can move now, please just…” I lose the thought as he pulls out to the tip, then thrusts back in with one fluid motion.

Holy shit.

He works in slow thrusts, each one sending a new wave of pleasure through me as he murmurs in my ear, telling me how beautiful I am, how good it feels, how it’s like I was made just for him.

I never knew that it could feel like this. Sex has always been an exercise in pleasing someone else. Always trying to work out what Aaron wanted and making sure he had it before he got frustrated. I never knew how to take.

But with Oscar I don’t have to take, because he just gives. He gives, and gives, and gives, until I’m gasping, writhing beneath him, undiluted ecstasy pumping through me. His pace picks up, a little harder with each snap of his hips. One hand comes down to my thigh, lifting it higher, keeping me open to every push into my body.