Page 119 of The Mercy of Dawn

“Mikael, I don’t know what I want. I…”

Her chest heaved with a shaky breath and Mikael eased back up beside her, trailing a gentle touch up her side.

So she was shy in the bedroom.

He could handle that, and work with that. It wasn’t like—

Cyril made a quiet noise.

“I’ve never…”

A blast of cold shot through Mikael’s veins, more sobering than any tonic he’d ever taken. He stared at her. “You’ve never what, Cyril?”

She chewed her lip for a moment that stretched on forever.

“I, uh…I’ve never been with anyone…ever.”

“Fucking hells.” Mikael sat back and shook his head in disbelief. Every bit of want and aching need took off running from his body. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” Cyril grimaced as she pushed herself up. He couldn’t look at her long enough to figure out if that was misplaced shame in her eyes or not. “But I still want—”

“No. Absolutely not.” Mikael grabbed the hand she skimmed right up his thigh and set it aside. “Not like this. I’m not taking that from you when you couldn’t even walk back here on your own.”

He shouldn’t have been taking a single fucking thing from her, period.

But he was an idiot, through and through, letting his gods damned cock and a day of drinking dictate his decisions.

“But it was fine before? Before you knew…?” The quiet hurt in Cyril’s voice compelled Mikael to finally look her in the eyes.

They were tear-lined and round, and he…

He’d fucked up in such an unfathomable way.

“Am I just not good enough now? I’m not experienced enough and now you…you don't want me anymore?”

“Cyril, that is not—”Mikael swore and pinched his brow.

With all that lockmead still coursing through her system, rational thoughts were bound to be her enemy.

His too, truthfully.

He turned to Cyril and took both her hands in his, holding them tight even when she tried to pull back.

“When we were just a couple of drunks making equally questionable decisions celebrating the solstice? I could live with feeling shitty about that tomorrow. But your virginity? That tips the scales way too fucking far out of balance.”

Cyril said nothing.

She just kept looking at him with those big, heartbroken eyes.

“And this isn’t a good enough or experienced enough thing, okay?” Mikael added.

Gods, if only she knew what the prospect of her sharing that sort of vulnerability did to him. That was the sort of thing most men with a heartbeat could only ever fantasize about.

“I like the way you look at me now, Cyril, and I don’t want regret to ever be a part of that. This is entirely about my conscience and treating you with some respect.”

Not to mention the slight, healthy fear he had of the fucking terrifying men she casually referred to as her uncles.

Again, silence.