Page 96 of A Single Obsession

“Please do not lecture me. I’m miserable enough as it is. I thought no one would know.”

“What a gamble, and all for nothing. You’re not a seasoned jockey and it’s no surprise you lost.”

Eliza laughed hysterically. “Lost? No, I won.”

“You won against all those men? Ha! How astonishing.”

Georgie’s eyes shone with admiration, but the sight did little to soothe Eliza’s distress.

“Beau came to the paddock after the race and gazed into my face—and he knew. He kept staring for what seemed like an age and his expression—”

Her own face screwed up in pain at the memory. “I couldn’t stand it. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. As for Beau, he could not escape fast enough. He gave Finch orders as if he were his servant, not mine. After that, my sole desire was to return here as soon as possible.”

Eliza looked up into a pair of eyes full of sympathy and whimpered. “I had it all worked out, Georgie. I was so sure this was the answer, but I was wrong. My behaviour today embarrassed Beau, killing any affection he had for me. By winning the race, I’ve set him free, but I’ve ruined any chance of him ever choosing me as his bride. And I love him so much…”

She laid her head on her sister’s lap and sobbed.

Georgiana let her cry. When she thought she had wept for long enough, she called for a fresh pot of tea and some cakes. She poured two cups and encouraged her sister to eat.

“Come on. Have a cake.”

Eliza looked at her as if she had made a ridiculous request, but as Georgie continued to stare at her, holding out the plate, she obeyed and took one.

As it was impossible to eat and cry at the same time, Eliza alternately sniffed and nibbled at her food and soon became calm enough to raise her cup of tea to her mouth without spilling it.

“I shall break off our engagement as I planned. Set Beau free to follow his dreams.”

“I think you should talk to him,” Georgiana said tentatively.

“No! I can’t. You would not suggest it if you’d been there. I cannot risk seeing that look of disgust again. No. I’ll write him a note.”

Her sister frowned. “You must see him in person. It’s not something you should do by letter. You owe him that.”

Eliza chewed on her bottom lip. Would she have the strength to release Beau if she saw him face to face? No. She didn’t think so. Because she didn’t want to break off her engagement—but she must. He deserved to have a choice about his future—even if that future didn’t include her.

“No. I can’t see him.”

Nothing Georgiana said could change her mind and after a while, she gave up.

Eliza sat at her sister’s writing desk and penned a brief letter to the Viscount Beaumont. Considering its length, it took a disproportionate amount of time to compose. It was no simple matter to find the words to break off her betrothal to the man she loved.

When her resolution wavered, she recalled his look of horror and reminded herself it was her duty to release him from what he must now deem an odious and unnecessary entanglement.

Once she had written the few lines that ruined all her hopes, she folded the paper carefully, sealed it with wax, and handed it to a footman to be delivered to Beau’s London lodgings before she could change her mind.

There. It was done.

And she could spend the rest of her life regretting it.

Chapter 42

It was already late in the afternoon when Beau arrived back in London. He and Anthony had spoken little on the journey. For the first time in his life, he felt awkward in the company of his best friend.

Despite Ant’s previous assurances that his feelings for Eliza were just brotherly, Beau now had reason to think otherwise. Ant had as good as admitted he was in love with her, but realised his case was hopeless.

Beau sympathised. Unrequited love was painful. He knew.

But now, after Eliza had risked so much for him, he dared to hope she still cared. Ant was unwavering in his conviction that she did—and while it scuppered his best friend’s hopes, it strengthened his own.