Page 79 of A Single Obsession

Sarah’s scowling face had a sobering effect on Eliza. As she leaned against the closed door, her whole body shook. The shock of the near-accident and the subsequent argument finally caught up with her.

In an instant, her maid’s demeanour changed. She fussed around her mistress, chattering away about trivialities, while she helped her out of her riding dress, and tucked her up in bed to rest.

Eliza’s body had stopped shaking by the time Sarah had tidied up and crept out of the room. She no longer felt angry. She felt nothing at all.

The same thoughts tumbled through her mind in a never-ending cycle. Beau didn’t love her. He was going to marry her because he must. Because Romeo was gone. For the sake of his horses. And she would always play second fiddle to them.

But after tasting what it felt like when she believed he loved her, could she settle for anything less? What was it her mother had said? Better a broken engagement than a lifetime of regret.

Would she regret it if she ignored her doubts and married Beau? She didn’t know. She hugged her arms around herself and prayed for guidance. What was she going to do?

As the dinner hour approached, Sarah re-entered the room and laid out her evening dress. Eliza knew she either had to plead sick or get up and ready herself to face Beau and the others.

Delay would not improve the situation. No amount of time would put things right. She prayed God would give her strength for what lay ahead.

With fatalistic resolve, Eliza got out of bed and sat down at the dressing table so her maid could brush her hair out and pin it up again.

She went down to dinner dressed in a pale blue satin robe the colour of her eyes, worn over a white slip, with a matching shawl draped over her shoulders. Apart from her pallor, she was confident she looked her best. She wished she was as confident she had her emotions under control.

With a supreme effort, she plastered a smile onto her face and entered the dining room with the appearance of happiness, though she suspected her eyes said otherwise. That was the funny thing about smiling. You could put a false one on your lips, but your eyes only smiled if you were thinking happy thoughts. And her thoughts were most definitely not happy.

Beau tried several times to engage her in conversation during dinner, but Eliza would have none of it. She ignored him and directed all her remarks at Anthony, who sat on her other side.

It was not a wise course of action, and one Eliza soon had cause to regret. Lady Harting noticed her behaviour and when the ladies moved through to the drawing room, she drew her aside and started quizzing her.

“You seemed out of sorts at dinner. I trust all is well?”

Eliza gave a brief nod, but it was insufficient assurance for her aunt.

“Come, my child. What is troubling you? Are you overwhelmed at the prospect of becoming a viscountess? It is a heavy responsibility indeed to marry into the peerage. I was born to it, but you—you are a rector’s daughter and I fear your training in these matters has not been what my girls have received. But you must not worry. You can rely on my support to learn about your duties. I will be at hand to help you deal with all the minutiae of your new role. To guide you and show you how things should be done. I am sure that, in time, you will become a viscountess that Beaumont will be proud of.”

Eliza dared not look up in case Lady Harting saw the horror in her expression. To become a viscountess was an intimidating prospect, but not as daunting as dealing with her aunt every day. Did she plan to move into Langcroft Park with them to instruct her in her role? What a dreadful notion—but not as dreadful as the thought that Beau did not really want to marry her.

As the realisation hit her again, Eliza winced. It hurt so much she felt nauseous.

Lady Harting reached out a hand and lifted her chin, forcing her niece to meet her eyes. The older woman examined Eliza’s face with a piercing gaze and then gave her cheek a gentle pinch.

“I fear my son has upset you. How doltish of him. You must forgive his thoughtlessness. Men can be so foolish sometimes. I’ll have a word with him. I am sure it is merely a little misunderstanding, my dear. It will blow over. These things always do.”

Eliza cringed to hear Lady Harting denigrate her son so readily, but she was too distressed by his behaviour to defend him. This was not some little misunderstanding. This was a betrayal—and she was not sure she would ever recover from it.

“I am uncertain it will. I fear Lord Beaumont does not want to marry me.”

Lady Harting’s face grew hard, her eyes narrowed and took on an icy expression that instinctively made Eliza shiver. “My son would never behave so dishonourably as to break off his engagement. Indeed, I assure you, he will not.”

Though no doubt intended to reassure her, her aunt’s words sent a chill down Eliza’s spine. They were unnecessary too, because she knew Beau wouldn’t back down from their betrothal. He needed her to save his horses. It was she who was deliberating whether or not she should marry him.

Strangely, the conversation with her aunt helped Eliza to decide.

How could she leave Beau to his mother’s mercy or send him scurrying to Harriet in desperation? She couldn’t. Despite everything, she still loved him. That would have to be enough. She would do her best to hide it and protect her heart by pretending their marriage was only a business arrangement to her as well.

At least she would know she had saved his horses.

And maybe, in time, she would learn to trust him again.

Chapter 35

Beau didn’t hold out much hope that Eliza would turn up for their ride the next morning, but he went to the stables before breakfast, just in case. His spirits lifted when he saw her mounting Whisper as he strode into the yard.