Page 63 of The Last Guardian

I flinched, trying not to wince in pain.

“Thre R’eva,” Zaidkiel repeated, rolling the R’s.

“You know what? I don’t care how to say it!” I protested, exasperated by the whole thing. “Why is it on my wrist?”

Zaidkiel gritted his teeth, sliding his hands in his pockets, and he looked me straight in the eye. “I was hoping we would find the answer in your memory.”

The words struck me in the chest, laying bare the things I was hoping he would answer. Facing the hard truth of what the commander had admitted.

Zaidkiel didn’t know why the mark was on my skin.

Hells.

“When did it appear?” he asked before I could speak, curiosity crossing his gemstone eyes.

My gaze fell on my skin, the patterns etched like a brand. “I—” I swallowed, remembering the day it had happened. The pain that had run through my arm that day in the Sacred Domes, the burns stinging my forearm before settling at the base of my wrist.

My eyes fell on the mark, the white line dancing with my dark blue veins. “On the fifth anniversary of my mother’s death,” I admitted, in a whisper. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to chase away the tears that threatened to flow down my cheeks. “You think I can find how the mark crept across my skin with the Rite? Even if it’s not linked to any forgotten memory?”

When Zaidkiel didn’t answer right away, I looked up at him. His emerald eyes softened as they bore into mine. “What makes you think that this mark didn’t appear on you as a result of a forgotten memory?”

The moment Zaidkiel’s words crossed his lips, my heart stopped. Could the person who put the mark on me have erased my memory, too?

“Haedeon.” My heart pulsed in my chest, raising my panic to the edge. “He recognized the mark when he saw it…” Nausea rose in my throat when his teeth flashed in my mind.

My gaze found Zaidkiel’s, and I wished I couldn’t read what crossed his eyes at that instant. Regret—for the realization we both had.

“Maybe,” Zaidkiel said, breathless, his eyes dark.

“Why didn’t you tell me your suspicion?” I snapped, baring my teeth at him.

Zaidkiel stilled for a moment, his jaw clenching hard. “It’s possible nothing was erased at all by him!” he said, his eyes flicking away for a second before meeting mine again. “But Haedeon is powerful, one of the most powerful beings of Perygan. And one of the only people who can still wield magic there.”

Zaidkiel’s words kept echoing in my mind, like a truth I had been searching for for so long. A truth that had been in front of me the whole time.

“The rite is a trial of the mind; it will push you to face truths and old memories that can be hard to process for your mind.” Taking a deep breath, Zaidkiel added with a frown, “That’s why the rite could be your answer.”

My thoughts stopped swirling as the words left me. Lifting my hand to the base of my neck, I tried to calm my racing heart.

Was I going to do this?

“This rite,” I said, swallowing hard, as I bit the inside of my cheeks at the anger that was building up inside of me, “is it entirely safe?”

Zaidkiel raised his eyebrows, taking on a serious look for once. “Nothing is entirely safe with magic.”

A knot formed in my stomach, pulsing with my pounding heart, my fingers playing with the charm hanging at my neck.

Zaidkiel’s gaze followed my movements, a soft gleam passing through his eyes. “I know this can be frightening, and believe me, I wouldn’t do it if there were another way.” I glared at him, as he added, “But even if it takes time, I think your memories can be recovered with the rite.”

If this rite could help recover the memory of Mother’s death, those linked to Nevan, and how this cursed mark formed on my skin, I would do it.

Taking a step forward, I bore my eyes into his. “If I agree to do it,” I said, emphasizing each word, “I want to be aware of the suspicion you have about this mark. About what Haedeon wants with me.” I stopped, letting the words sink between us. Zaidkiel’s eyes flicked, listening as I added, “I want you to be honest about the situation I am in. You will not leave me behind on a matter that concerns me. Am I being clear?”

Zaidkiel’s gaze glinted, searching for my eyes as a soft emotion passed through his face for a moment. “Very well,” he agreed, his teeth clenching.

Time stood still; the echoes of his words and the weight of my decision resonated in my mind, swirling into a blur of emotions.

My own will had been erased by every memory that was stolen from me. Making me conform to the demands and desires of others. Erasing my own self in the process. Since the day of my birth, my body, mind, and life had never been under my control.