Page 167 of The Last Guardian

A hard swallow passed in his throat as I put my glass on the desk, grazing my arm against him as his gaze followed my every move.

“Stop trying to convince yourself that your body, your mind, your very soul, doesn’t ache from my absence the way mine aches from yours.”

His gaze pinned me in place, and every inch of him vibrated with the tension of restraint. As I lifted my hand to his face, I gently brushed against his tightening jaw. Zaid closed his eyes at the contact, leaning into my palm.

“Alyana, don’t…”

It wasn’t an order. It was a plea.

“Why?” I murmured, my core clenching with the heat of his body pulsing near me. “Why do you keep pushing me away?”

His piercing gaze met mine, burning my soul. “Because…” Zaid’s voice was hoarse, his throat bulging as he swallowed to clear it. “I thought it would be easier to let you go before I even had a chance to have you.” He broke off, biting his trembling lip, his eyes closing slightly. “That it would be easier to live with no scratch of you on my fucking soul if something happened to you, yet⁠—”

When he opened them again, his gaze fell on the fresh wound on my chest. His finger moved closer and brushed against my skin, just above it, where it couldn’t hurt. The touch of his finger on my skin awakened a wild storm within me. “When you passed out, I couldn’t even control myself—my power. I almost burned our goddamn ship when I saw you agonizing, your blood draining away. When I heard your heart slowly fading—” His voice broke, and on instinct, I reached my hands around his neck as his strong hand found my waist.

Our foreheads pressed together, our chests touching, our breaths mingling. Our noses grazed each other’s slowly.

“I spent all my life fighting for this. Trying to take down every person who wronged my family, me. To save the Guardians. And when I saw you lying on that fucking floor, I was ready to burn everything to the core of the sea. I thought you were—” He swallowed, the word dying in his throat. “Fuck, I was ready to bring everyone down for that. Do you realize how dangerous it is? The power you have over me?”

I murmured, stroking the hair at the back of his head, “I shouldn’t have taken that risk, knowing you need me for the search. It was reckless of me.”

Zaid pulled his head back and looked at me in disbelief. His hand lifted to my face, cupping my cheek. His thumb lightly touched my lips. “Do you really think that’s why I’m reacting like this?” His gaze darkened, weighing each word he was about to utter. “I don’t fucking care about the quest, or the beast. I was furious at whatever god, star, or fucking fate put you in my path only to take you away. I’m not angry at you, Alyana. I curse myself for dragging you into this mess and for putting your life in danger every fucking minute of this mission.”

“I want to be here. To help you,” I replied, frowning. “You didn’t drag me into this, Zaid. I agreed to the terms. I chose this.”

Zaid shook his head, resting his forehead against mine again. “What a fucking mess.”

The universe froze, suspending every breath, every doubt in the night, for this precise moment when just the two of us existed.

My soul was forever marked by this unbreakable link that had formed between us. My fingers brushed the nape of his neck, caressing his silky, wet hair.

His hands caressed my back with a soft stroke, and our chests pressed against each other.

But then, Zaid pulled his face away. His hands slid to the back of my neck as he brought his lips to my forehead, gently pressing against my skin. I closed my eyes, surrendering to his soft kiss.

My whole being melted. My heart broke at the thought of what was going to happen next.

“You should leave,” Zaid said finally, his voice gentle. “Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

When my eyes opened, letting a small tear travel down my cheek as I looked into his beautiful eyes, a soft smile had drawn on his lips, but it didn’t reach his gaze.

Why did this feel like a goodbye? Why did it feel like my soul was torn out of my body?

I think that one day, you might change your mind because love isn’t simple. It’s complicated, and it makes you reconsider your perspective on life.

Sometimes, just a glimpse of it is enough, even if it leads nowhere.

It echoed in my mind as I looked at Zaid.

Was that what this was?

Love.

No. The word was far too simple, far too small for what I felt, what Zaid did to my soul each time I looked at him.

For me, it’s the feeling of entering a room and seeing and feeling nothing but that person.

The thing I promised myself never to feel, never give. And it had to be the only man I could never keep for myself, never have a future with.