Page 149 of The Last Guardian

I fought the instinct to reach, to grasp for him as if he was the air itself—the only thing that could bring me alive. I closed my eyes, surrendering to the burning of his lips on my skin, before they parted from me.

“Goodnight, Alyana,” Zaidkiel whispered, his warmth leaving mine in a matter of seconds.

“Goodnight,” I murmured back, my voice dying in the back of my throat. But I kept my eyes closed.

Boots clapped against the soil, fading away with each second. Each step echoed with each beat of my heart, grounding me to the soil itself.

After what felt like an eternity in the Seven Hells, I opened my eyes. And Zaidkiel wasn’t there anymore.

I HAD SPENT the last day locked up in my room, trying to reach my Anchor. Tomorrow, we would leave the ship in the direction of Myrh. It was more than needed to find a way to activate this damn relic.

I hadn’t seen Zaid since the moment we shared in the garden; he was nowhere in sight. And I didn’t search for him either. Clearly, he was avoiding me once again. And I, too, was avoiding him.

The same was true for Arthur. Our last conversation had left me unsure how to approach him, what to say. The only news I had about him was when I saw Lyra enter the room, flushed with anger. She’d cursed him but never further explained what happened.

As for Dorian, he had come by the morning after the pub. I knew he was still disappointed, still hurting because of the lie I had hidden. Still, he came to visit. Lyra told me he’d drunk his ass off as he tried to seduce a few waitresses, until he passed out. Bennett and Sam had stayed with him and taken care of him until the sun rose in the sky.

Each time I looked into his eyes, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. The way he’d drowned himself in alcohol the other night had taken me back to five years ago, when Mother had just died.

It’d been my fifth attempt to fall into the Void today, and I couldn’t even reach it. I didn’t know how to even fall into it without Zaid.

But I reread the old text concerning the Rite Arystan had given me weeks ago, and I needed to find the path on my own. To master it. To wield my Anchor and my Void to navigate my memories. Then, I would maybe be capable of reaching for the one I longed to recover. And finally, leave this dark place—where I couldn’t remember anything about Mother’s death—behind.

Hells, thinking that felt like letting my mother’s spirit vanish into nothing, and I hated myself for even thinking it because I never thought I would get past her loss. I never thought that I would be able to move on. To see the beauty of life. I had never wanted to, actually, not without her. It didn’t feel right.

Until…

No.

The thought of Zaid pierced something deeper than just my heart. I knew he was right; it was entirely reckless to let that kiss happen in the first place…

Still, this pull—this wild need I felt around him—it was so much stronger than any reason why we couldn’t let it happen. Something so dangerous, so wild, it could send me ablaze in the deepest level of the Seven Hells.

I couldn’t ignore the fact that, in the depths of my own mind, the only person who succeeded in illuminating my world was him.

Zaid had lit up a part of me that I never thought would return, if this part had existed at all before him.

He made me feel alive again.

He made me feel whole.

Not just him, but everyone I’d met over the past months had helped me see the world and myself from a different perspective.

A knock pounded on my door, followed by Arystan’s voice. “Dear, are you here?”

I rushed to the door and opened it. Arystan stood in the entrance, wearing a long gray robe, his long beard brushing the cloth, round glasses on his nose.

“I didn’t realize you wore glasses, Arystan,” I remarked, with a soft smile.

He huffed as he entered. “The climate here drains my eyes. It’s uncomfortable.” As he made his way to the table near the fireplace, he said, “It’s probably due to the lack of magic.”

I wasn’t sure whether that made any sense.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Arystan asked, once seated.

“I’m afraid not,” I said, as I sat in front of him. “I can’t reach my Anchor. What will happen if I can’t activate the relic in time?”

Arystan ran his fingers through his beard. “I have a feeling you’ll succeed,” he said, with a soft smile. “The journey to reach Myrh will last at least five days.”