Page 48 of The Librarian’s Familiar

“And no one thought it weird that you were still carrying a toy around at thirty?”

“Have you met hockey players? Superstition is a key part of the game. So if I say my bear is good luck, you’d best believe that bear is treated like fucking royalty.” It was much easier to have a good luck toy than good luck underwear or socks, as both of them wore out quite quickly. Though for a while, he’d also had a pair of polar bear socks.

“I have only met one player, and he wants to be a familiar even though he’s worried what people will say.”

“Maybe he needs to consult the good luck bear,” August said. He wanted to be able to talk to his grandmother, but since she was dead, he’d settle for talking to his parents.

“Perhaps.” Charlie walked over to the front door. “Shall we?”

Charlie was no more certain of the bond than he was…plus, he was afraid of polar bears. They both had some thinking to do.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Charlie had been expecting the trail to be more, well, trail-like, ducking branches and such. Instead, it was so well used, it was a path wide enough for three people. While the width gave him room to breathe, so he wasn’t too hemmed in by the wilderness, there was still far too much of it around him. There was no sense of order; it was all random, and being surrounded by chaos made him feel powerless. He needed order to survive, or at least for his magic to be useful.

Out here, there was so much chaos that his magic fragmented into a thousand useless shards. There was nothing for his magic to grasp to stop himself from spiraling into a magic-induced panic attack, which would be very uncool. So he concentrated on small pieces of order like the weave of their clothing and the knit of their socks.

August held his hand like he expected Charlie to run back to town. It was tempting, but they’d passed the halfway point, and the walk was pretty if one liked trees and rocks and birds and such.

He liked all of those things when looking out his window. He wasn’t sure he liked being outside with them. August was smiling. Smiling so much it made the corner of his eyes crinkle, and his happiness radiated through the bond like it was trying to infect him.

Letting August talk him into strengthening the bond had been a bad idea, not that he regretted the sex. He gave a small sigh, reliving the memory of August moaning beneath him.

August glanced at him.

Ah, fuck. Had August sensed that? He wasn’t used to someone knowing so much about him. Knowing what he was feeling, even if it was only glimpses. It was disconcerting.

“Are you getting a little warm?” August asked with a knowing grin.

“Nope.” He was not discussing it. “I’m trying to find order and ignore the chaos.” Except that the chaos was now within him, shredding his thoughts and scattering the pieces.

August’s smile faded. “Are you uncomfortable? Do we need to turn back?”

“I’m fine, I can deal with it.” He needed to learn to deal with it better since he was stuck here for three years.

August frowned. “You don’t feel fine.”

“I need order. It doesn’t hurt…” How did he explain it to someone who’d never used magic? “It’s kind of like after a long day of running errands and dealing with other people’s shit, and all you want to do is get home, crack a beer, and sit down. You’re not going to die, you’re not in pain, but you want a fucking break.”

“So you’re hating every minute of being outdoors?”

“No.” He gave August’s hand a squeeze. “It’s very pretty, and I’m enjoying the company. But my magic is chewing on the bond a little faster than before, and you might get holes in your clothes…”

“My clothes, what about yours?”

“Mine? You’re the shifter and used to being naked.” He smiled. “I’m not destroying your clothes. Not yet anyway.”

They fell back into silence as they meandered down the slope following the winding trail.

It was August who broke the quiet first. “You look at the trees and see they are haphazard, but have you thought about what the trees are made of?” He plucked a leaf and held it out to him. “Look at the veins and branches. Is that not order?”

“No, but the cells beneath that are.”

“Is that too small to think about?”

“It is if I’m trying to enjoy everything else. Do you want to be reciting times tables while out for a walk?”

“I don’t want to be reciting them ever.” He tossed the leaf onto the path. “Nature has order. It’s just different.”