Page 33 of The Affairs of Ashmore Castle

Kitty looked sidelong at her. ‘Will it hurt?’ she asked hesitantly, not entirely sure if she wanted to know the truth.

‘There is pain,’ Grandmère said unemphatically, ‘only it is not the pain of injury but the pain of life and you will not mind it. It is impossible to explain to one who has not felt it. But it is nothing to be afraid of.’ She changed the subject abruptly. ‘Ashmore Castle has never had a good garden. One likes a pleasure ground to walk around in fine weather. What would you do, Kitty, to improve this one?’

Kitty’s face lit, and she plunged at once into her ideas for the gardens. ‘There was only time between getting back here and finding I was expecting a baby to make a start on the walled garden. But after the baby’s born . . .’ She distracted herself, and looked down at her feet for a moment. ‘I do hope it’s a boy,’ she said in a low voice. ‘Everyone will be so cross with me if it’s not. Especially—’

‘Especially Maud?’ Grandmère supplied. ‘But, ma chère petite, don’t forget she had a girl first, so you need only point it out if she should say anything disagreeable to you.’

‘Oh dear,’ Kitty said, thinking of what it was like when her mother-in-law said disagreeable things.

‘Tiens, Kitty, have some spirit! What can she do to you? Rien du tout!’ She took Kitty’s hand and tucked it through her arm. ‘And I tell you a little secret. She has more to fear from you than you from her. Vraiment!’ she added to Kitty’s disbelieving look. ‘You can banish her to the Dower House, and she knows it.’

‘Oh, I never could,’ Kitty faltered.

‘Well, she knows that, too,’ Grandmère said frankly, ‘but the day will come . . . When I lived here, when Willie was a child, there was a bull at the home farm, called Duke, which had been raised from a calf and was as tame at a kitten. Willie used to go and feed it and pet it and it let him climb all over it, and would lick his face like a dog. Then one day when he was going to climb into its pen, a certain look came into its eye, and it scraped the ground with its foot, and the farmer stopped him. He said, “Duke has just worked out that he’s the bull, and you’re the boy. You can’t play with him any more.” And one day, chère Kitty, you will discover you are the countess and a certain look will come into your eye. Then playtime will be over. This also Maud knows.’

They strolled on in silence for a while, until Grandmère said, ‘How pleasant England is in May. One forgets . . . You are very quiet, Kitty.’

‘I think,’ Kitty said, ‘that I don’t feel very well.’

Uncle Sebastian gave Giles a robust slap on the back that made him stagger. ‘A boy! Congratulations! A boy first time out!’

Giles steadied himself and addressed the doctor. ‘My wife – her ladyship? How is she?’

‘Very well, my lord. There were no difficulties. Her ladyship came through with colours flying.’

Dr Arbogast faced Giles with a smile that contained a touch of relief. Ashmore Castle was new territory to him. He had a good relationship with most of the local gentry families, but the dowager countess had never used him. She would summon the lowlier Dr Welkes for the servants or the children, but she and his late lordship were never ill; and if they wished to consult a physician for any reason, it would be a grand one from London. To attend the birth of the heir to the earldom was an honour Arbogast knew he would enjoy more in retrospect, from a safe distance: the things that could have gone wrong – could still go wrong – put him in a cold sweat. His wife had said goodbye that morning with the sort of brave smile women reserve for soldiers going off to war who they fear might never return.

He had at least been spared the terrifying presence of the dowager. She had decided for herself that the baby would not come for several more days, and had taken Rachel over to Asham Bois to spend the day with the Massingberds, who had a house party. Kitty had taken everyone by surprise: the birth had begun unexpectedly and had been all over remarkably quickly.

‘I told Kitty she would manage beautifully,’ said Grandmère. ‘She is young and healthy.’

‘Can I see her?’ Giles asked the doctor.

‘Very soon, my lord. I shall return upstairs and make sure all is well, and let you know as soon as she is ready for visitors. Ah – your lordship’s son!’

Alice came in with a bundle of white wool in her arms, and one of the maids – Doris – hovering behind with an air of thwarted professionalism. Alice proffered the bundle to Giles, saying, ‘He’s very sweet, but piglets are prettier, I think.’

‘At this stage perhaps,’ said Grandmère, ‘but that will soon change.’

‘We had better hope so,’ said Richard, ‘or he’ll have trouble finding a wife in twenty years’ time.’

Giles took the bundle nervously, pushing away the inquisitive attentions of the dogs with his knee. It seemed ridiculously small and light. Swathed in the folds of the shawl there appeared a tiny face, round, red, creased, with eyes screwed shut as if determined not to be woken. Your lordship’s son. Giles had always known it was his duty one day to have an heir and secure the title, but his relationship with his own father had been cold and distant, even hostile. He had not known how he would feel at this moment, but he was not prepared for such a tremor in the gut, such a loosening in the loins. He looked up, shocked, and met Sebastian’s eyes.

And Sebastian smiled understandingly and said, ‘I’ve never had one of my own, but even I feel something for very new babies. Don’t worry, my dear boy, you won’t break him.’

‘But . . .’ Giles began, not knowing how to put into words the feeling of terrible vulnerability that was weakening his knees. He was responsible for this boy. Suppose he made a mess of it? Suppose in thirty years’ time this child felt as little for him as he had felt for his father?

Grandmère seemed to read his mind. ‘The past is no template for the future.’

Richard slapped him on the shoulder. ‘That I should see this day! Steady, unimaginative old Giles thrown all-of-a-heap by a little baby.’

‘Let me take him, my lord,’ Doris said, brought up on the principle that fathers could not notice their offspring for more than a few seconds at a time. ‘I should get him back to the nurse.’

But Sebastian said, ‘Let me have him for a moment.’

Doris handed him over reluctantly, but Sebastian had held a lot of babies in his time, and handled this one with confidence. He looked down at the small face, and touched a forefinger to the perfect velvet cheek. ‘Lord Ayton,’ he murmured. ‘Such a big world waits for you out there. God bless you, child.’ And the screwed-up eyes prised themselves open just a crack, just for an instant, as if in acknowledgement.

Doctor, maid and baby departed, and Giles said, ‘I wish I had your touch.’