Page 128 of The Secrets of Ashmore Castle

Nina was silent at luncheon, and after one or two attempts to start a conversation, Aunt Schofield gave it up and retreated into her own thoughts, where she was always comfortable. But when they rose from the table she said, ‘You seem out of sorts, Nina. Do you feel well?’

Nina wasn’t ready to talk yet. She said, ‘Quite well, thank you. I’ve been indoors too long, that’s all. If you don’t need me this afternoon, I think I’ll go for a walk.’

She walked down to the Embankment, and then along the river under the turning trees, watching the laden boats coming up with the tide on the grey-brown river. She walked until her feet were sore and the streetlamps started to be lit, then took an omnibus home, choosing one with strong, fresh-looking horses, a habit of hers – silly, as if adding her weight to the load could make any difference! The shops were beginning to be lit up in the dusk, which always made her think of Christmas. Christmas, in a home of her own – she had always wanted a Christmas tree, but Aunt Schofield would never have one. And she could decorate the house too, in any way she liked. It was a small, unimportant thing, but it made her realise that she had actually made up her mind. The walk had done its job.

They were dining out that evening, with academic friends of Aunt Schofield’s at a house in Bedford Square, so she would have to speak to her as soon as she got home, before they went up to dress. And suddenly her mouth was dry.

‘There’s something I must talk to you about, Auntie.’

Aunt Schofield looked up from her letters. ‘Yes, I thought there was. Is anything wrong?’

‘No, not wrong.’ Nina frowned. There was nothing for it but to come straight out with it. ‘Mr Cowling was here this morning.’

‘Yes, Haydock mentioned it. What did he want?’

‘He asked me to marry him.’

Aunt Schofield was silent, absorbing the news. She would never be precipitate in her reactions. ‘And what did you say?’ she asked at last – though she knew it could not have been a refusal, or Nina would have said so. And so, what then?

‘I said I would think about it. And that I must speak to you, of course. He said – he said that asking me before speaking to you wasn’t disrespect, but to prove to me that it wasn’t … a business transaction, I think he said. That he loves me.’ She was watching her aunt’s face, and there was no trace of a smile at that point, of which she was glad. She found herself more anxious all the time that he should not be ridiculed.

‘Very well,’ said Aunt Schofield. ‘I have no need to ask if you have been thinking, because you have been out walking the soles from your shoes. So what have you concluded?’

Nina swallowed. ‘I want to accept.’

Aunt Schofield put aside the letters, sat up straight and folded her hands in her lap. ‘You have my full attention. Let me understand your reasoning.’

Nina met her gaze, but she said, ‘Do I have to have reasoning? When a girl is asked by a man to marry him—’

‘An older man, of a different class, whom I have no reason to believe she loves.’

Nina gave a shaky smile. ‘You have always poured scorn on love,’ she reminded her aunt.

‘Not on love, on “falling in love”. You are thinking that I married an older man, and that I was not “in love” with him. But I loved the professor’s mind, Nina. Do you love Mr Cowling’s mind?’

‘He loves my mind – he tells me so,’ she answered. Her aunt waited implacably. ‘He is a kind, generous, honest man, and I believe he cares for me. He will give me a good home, an establishment. I shall never want.’

‘You are marrying him for his money, then?’

Nina was stung, as Aunt Schofield had meant her to be. ‘Isn’t that always what marriage is about – any marriage you would approve of, at any rate? I know you wouldn’t approve of two young people without means marrying just because they were “in love”. A man offers a girl a home and a fortune. Except,’ she remembered Kitty, ‘when it’s the other way round.’

Aunt Schofield nodded calmly. ‘And you believe that this is your best chance of happiness? You are very young, and you have met very few people. This is an irrevocable step to take so soon.’

Nina’s eyes narrowed. ‘If I said I was in love with him, would you think differently?’ Aunt Schofield didn’t answer. ‘Is it just his age you object to?’

‘I haven’t said I objected. I wish to understand your train of reasoning, to be sure you have thought fully about the implications. Mr Cowling is not so very old. You may have twenty or thirty years of marriage with him. Have you considered what that means?’

‘I have considered that I must do something, and that I really don’t want to be a teacher.’ There, the secret was out. She felt shaky, and gripped her hands tightly together. ‘I’m sorry, but I’ve realised I have no vocation for it. And teaching or marriage, those are my choices, aren’t they? Because I know I’m putting a strain on your household. I’ve seen you worrying over your accounts. My Season cost you a great deal. And however frugal I might be in the future, you can’t afford to keep me here.’

Aunt Schofield looked uncomfortable. ‘You were not supposed to worry about my financial position. At all events, you must not think that I would ever begrudge you a home with me. Better we both live frugally than that you rush into an unwise marriage.’

‘But better that we both live comfortably than that I hang round your neck and force you into miserable penny-pinching,’ Nina said. She felt quite calm now. Her aunt’s words had made up what little was left of her mind to convince. ‘I don’t think it’s an unwise marriage. I think he would be very good to me, and I would be very comfortable. And just think of the good I could do! He is very rich, Auntie, and he says I can spend whatever I like on charitable works.’

Aunt Schofield nodded. ‘These are all good points. And I find it encouraging that you are defending him so stoutly. That means you do care for him. But there is no need to decide in a hurry. Take a few weeks, or months. If he really wants you, he will wait.’

‘There is need,’ said Nina. ‘If I’m not to take up the post at Allely’s, I must tell them soon.’

Her aunt was silent a moment. ‘Is that what’s behind it? Do you hate the idea of teaching so very much?’