Page 125 of The Secrets of Ashmore Castle

‘Well, I’m a widower, and most folk think that once you’ve buried a wife, you can’t have any more love in your life. I’m sure your good aunt has the same thing thought about her.’

Could he be interested in marrying Aunt Schofield? she wondered. It hadn’t occurred to her before. It was an odd thought – no two people could be more unsuited, in her view, and in any case she didn’t think her aunt would ever consider marrying again, having no need to. ‘I think,’ she said, to let him down gently, ‘that she’s still dedicated to my uncle, in her heart. I expect you miss your wife, don’t you?’

‘I used to,’ he said, ‘very much. My Emma was a good creature, and I shall always honour her. But I don’t think about her often, as I used to. Which is not to say I’m not lonely sometimes. Work keeps a man busy, but when he stops at the end of the day, why, there’s an empty space by the hearth that needs filling.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m not explaining myself very well.’

‘Oh, but you are,’ she said. ‘I understand perfectly. Work is important, and life would be empty without it, but a life with nothing but work …’ She thought, briefly and unwillingly, of Giles Stainton. ‘The heart has its own priorities,’ she said quietly. ‘And it won’t be argued out of them.’

He was silent a moment. Then he said diffidently, ‘I heard tell that you had an offer of a teaching place. Somewhere up north, I believe.’

‘In York. Apparently it’s a nice city.’

‘Aye, it’s very nice, and quite grand. A lot of fancy folk live there. I expect it’d be an expensive sort of school for young ladies?’

‘Yes, where young ladies are sent to learn how to catch expensive husbands,’ she said; and then was sorry. She should not make public her doubts about Allely’s School. And Mr Cowling was not the person to entrust with her secrets.

But he looked at her with unexpected sympathy. ‘I think you don’t much want to go there – am I right?’ She didn’t answer. ‘Is it going up north that bothers you?’

‘Oh, I’ve nothing against the north, in particular,’ she said.

‘Then it’s teaching in general, is it? Don’t you want to be a teacher?’

She resisted for a moment, but it broke out of her. ‘I thought I did, but the closer it comes, the less I like it. Yet I have to do something.’

‘Can’t you stay with your aunt?’

‘She isn’t trying to get rid of me – you mustn’t think that – but she can’t keep me for ever. I have to earn a living.’ She shrugged. ‘There aren’t many things a genteel girl can do.’

‘What would you like to do?’ he asked. ‘In the whole world – say you could choose, and money didn’t matter?

She smiled. ‘Make-believe, is it? Would you have chosen to make shoes, if you had the choice of the whole world?’

‘Why, yes,’ he said, as if surprised. ‘It’s what I’ve always liked. Though I wouldn’t choose to be living all alone, and having no son to follow me. But though shoes chose me in the beginning, I chose ’em right back. I’m happy with that part. But we’re talking about you, Miss Sanderton. What would you choose?’

She thought. ‘I’m not entirely sure just yet. But I would like to go to university.’

‘Would you, by heck! I beg your pardon, I mean, would you really?’

‘Yes, I think so. I love to study, to learn.’

‘Aye, you’re about like my secretary, young Decius. Decius Blake – you’ve not met him yet. He never misses a chance to learn something new. Makes him right valuable to me. But that’s not something to spend all your life on. University’s only a few years, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, and that’s why I say I’m not sure what I’d like to do. Eventually, I’d like to do something good for other people, to make their lives better.’

‘Poor folk, like?’

‘Yes, and girls in particular.’ She smiled. ‘Being one myself, I know the disadvantages.’

‘Well, you may say so. But I must say I like the fact that girls are different from boys. It wouldn’t be half as nice a world if they weren’t.’

Yes, you would say that, she thought. But she didn’t say it. She smiled, and said, ‘I expect you’re right. And may this girl have the pleasure of getting you another cup of tea?’

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Nina was in the morning-room, struggling to write a letter. She’d had one at last from Kitty, to confirm she was now at the Castle, hinting of difficulties of adjustment, talking again of longing to see her friend. There was no direct invitation, but Nina felt it was in the offing. How could she write a suitably encouraging letter back, while being discouraging about a visit? And yet – and yet … She would like to see the Castle. And Kitty talked about horses, showing her round the estate on horseback. She hadn’t ridden in such a long time. And to see Giles again …

No. There must be no seeing Giles. That was poison. Double poison – to her, and to Kitty. She must find a way of avoiding going to Ashmore Castle.

The maid, Minny, came in. ‘There’s a visitor, Miss Nina,’ she said. Nina realised she had heard the doorbell without really taking it in. ‘Mr Cowling has called.’