Page 124 of Worth the Risk

I take another step.

“Sidney.” He reaches for me, regret and fear and heartache playing across his features. “I’m sorry . . . I didn’t mean—it was a slip of the tongue. You were thinking I was referring to her and then . . . FUCK!” He shouts and bangs a fist against the railing. “I didn’t mean it.”

He meant everything by it. My heart already knows it.

“You may not think you do, but you did. You have held me up against her pretentious pedestal since the minute you opened your front door almost six months ago. And you know what? Back then, you probably had every right to accuse me of being like her. I was. But things have changed, Grayson. Being here . . . working for Rissa . . . meeting Luke . . . being with you. That has changed me. It has changed me in ways I never saw coming. So for you to stand there and call me her name, it just proves that you don’t know me at all.”

I stand tall, my shoulders square, and in this moment, I realize everything I just said is true. This place has changed me. The people in this town were a huge part of that. And not only did they change me—how I look at things, how I look at other people—they also made me realize how empty my life was before. How hard it’s going to be to go back to it, step into my old life, and not miss all of this.

“You’re right . . .” He takes a step toward me, and all I can do is shake my head and take a step back. “You’re not the same person who set foot here. And I’m not the same man you met. People change. Minds change. Sometimes it takes longer for a heart to forget what was done to it in the past. I guess it’s taking mine longer than most.”

I love him. It’s plain as day to me as I stand here livid with him for telling me I’m just like Claire while at the same time being man enough to admit it.

“But how long is too long to wait?” I ask him, knowing that if he isn’t over her in eight years’ time, when will he be? “There comes a time when you have to choose whether you’re going to remain rooted to your past and the things she did to you, or to take a step forward with a clean slate. You always have a choice, Grayson. What do you choose?”

Choose me.

“It isn’t like that.”

Choose me.

“It isn’t? You tell me that I made a mistake and you’ve forgiven me, but with that one mistake, you’ve already talked yourself out of believing this could work before we ever had a chance.” There is defiance and accusation and desperation in my tone. He has to see what he’s doing, that he is so scared of possibly getting hurt that he’s shut himself away from so much of the good in life as well.

I love you.

Don’t you see that?

Why can’t you see that?

“I’ve already asked one woman in my life to stay—the only other woman I’ve ever let in—and look how that turned out for me. So, I’ll be damned if I ask you, too.”

“I’m not looking for you to ask me to stay. I’m looking to hear you tell me that you want me to.”

“Same difference.”

He’s so frustrating it’s maddening. “That’s the crux of it, isn’t it? You’ll never be over her, and I refuse to take second place.”

“I was over her the minute she walked out my door,” he says through gritted teeth.

“You were? It doesn’t seem that way from where I stand.”

“Really? I told you I wanted to try for something here. For us to figure this out . . . and you lied. How does that not make you like her?”

I stare at him, sick to my stomach and more than knowing I’m in an uphill battle that I don’t think I can win. When I walked into this hangar tonight, I was still one hundred percent undecided I wanted to fight for him.

But I’m fighting.

Because, with him standing in front of me, I know.

It’s just that simple.

“I never lied to you! I just didn’t tell you because I was scared!” I scream, frustrated at him and his fear and how he’s throwing everything but the kitchen sink into this fight to push me away. To paint me in a bad light so that he can walk away with less guilt. “I was scared to tell you and lose you, but it seems like I already have. Just like you’re scared to fight to keep me because you might have to open yourself up to letting someone in. Well, guess what? The possibility of getting hurt is always part of the equation. Always. But so is being loved and cherished and fulfilled. Those are the things you don’t ever talk about or focus on. The late-night calls just to say I love you. The early morning looks over coffee. The knowing you have a friend to sit with you in silence after you’ve had an absolutely shitty day. Those are the things you’re forgetting. Those are the things you’re ‘protecting’ Luke from seeing. What you don’t realize is that when he grows up, he will have no idea what is normal and fulfilling. So, you can keep being scared because, damn you, Grayson . . . you scare the hell out of me, too.”

I pound my fist on the railing because I have so much pent-up emotion, and I’m so mad at him that it’s either that or grab him and kiss him. The latter of which, I don’t want to do. “You take risks every damn day in your job—you’ve made a name for yourself doing it—and yet, you won’t take a goddamn risk on me, will you?”

“It isn’t that easy, Sidney.”

“The best things in life never are easy. You have to work at them and struggle with them just to make them work, but that’s the best reward . . . that you didn’t give up and it netted you something beautiful. We could be beautiful.” I’ve never pleaded in my life, but I’m doing it now. I need to hear him tell me he’ll try. That I’m worth the risk. That he wants me to stay. “I love you, damn it, and I don’t have a fucking clue what to do about it other than to ask you to choose me. To tell me I’m worth the risk.”