Page 110 of Crease Collision

I lean against a tree when I get there, trying to resist the urge to scream. While I focus on breathing, a memory breaks through the chaos. I’m back at the Christmas market in December. Oskar’s hand is wrapped around mine, and he’s guiding me through the crowds.

Shaking my head does nothing to clear it, but it helps me realize this street fair isn’t helping; it’s making things worse. I head back upstairs to my condo.

Now, I welcome the quiet, and after an hour in the reset room, I start feeling human again. I lie down and sleep for a few hours.

I wake up hungry and go to the kitchen to find something to eat. It’s been a week since I cooked, and all that’s left is tofu and veggie stir-fry. I pop it in the microwave. It smells good, but when I sit at the island and poke at it, my appetite disappears. The food tastes dead. Disgusted, I push the plate away.

This is my life now, sitting in a silent condo, eating dead food by myself.

While I mull that over, my phone buzzes.

OZZY: We’ve landed. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

My stomach twists as I picture Oskar watching his teammates go home to people who are waiting for them. When he gets to his apartment, he’ll drop his bag by the door, hungry and exhausted.

And because of me, alone.

I used to have a nightmare when the ice in my crease all melted at once. It was like sinking into liquid quicksand, and I’d grab a goalpost to keep my head above water.

Ozzy is by himself in an empty apartment, and I put him there. Yet I’m still clinging to the post.

Tears run down my cheeks as another thought hits. It’s been building for weeks, and I’ve tried as hard as I could to push it down.

I’m in love with Ozzy.

And I’m exhausted from pretending I’m not. While I’ve been busy putting up walls to protect myself, I didn’t notice they were turning my life into a prison.

Fuck this! I barely stop to grab a jacket before heading out the door.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

OSKAR AND KAI

OSKAR

My apartment is too cold. I set the thermostat at seventy-three and leave my hoodie on while I take my bag to the bedroom. Then I look at my phone—nothing from Kai.

What little energy I have left drains away, even though I told myself not to expect anything. Maybe he spent the day with his friends. Or he could have seen my text about getting home and panicked.

Helvete.

When I’ve finished unpacking, I sit on the edge of the bed and stare at the walls. At least a hundred times this week, I’ve wondered if we’re falling apart. It wouldn’t be because Kai didn’t care; honestly, that would almost be easier. But every time things start to matter, he pulls away. Sometimes it’s like he’s standing on the other side of bulletproof glass.

My stomach growls, reminding me I haven’t eaten since we left Las Vegas. Cooking is out of the question, so I unlock my phone to look up the pizza place nearby. Before I can dial, the doorbell rings. Fan. Last time, it was Carson wanting beer and conversation after his date fell through.

The bell rings again, and he starts knocking.

I’ll say I’m not feeling well, that we’ll have to hang out some other time.

I don’t move until the knocking turns into pounding. It’s too loud to ignore, so I push myself off the bed and hurry to the living room, ready to tell Carson I need a night of peace and quiet.

I’m about to say his name as I open the door, but instead, my heart stutters.

“Kai.”

His eyes are a little wild, and he’s out of breath. Putting on an uneasy smile, he says, “Hey.”

I’m so relieved to see him that it takes me a moment to move out of his way. “Come in.”