Page 48 of Surrender

“You’re everything I want—need—in a wife, Genevieve.”

“No, there’s one thing you need from a wife that I can never give you,” she whispered hoarsely, preparing herself for the worst of all outcomes. “I cannot give you an heir. I became with child when I was nine, and Ruckley had a doctor end the pregnancy, then he ensured I could never have children.”

The moment she uttered the devastating words, she watched Theo’s face drain of color. He didn’t move or say a word. He simply stared at her with an expression of shocked disbelief, and what she thought might be regret. As Genevieve took in his expression, she realized she was holding her breath. She released it.

When Theo didn’t move or speak, she started to tremble. He’d said she was strong, and she could only pray he was right. If he didn’t say or do something in another minute, she would need every bit of strength she’d ever possessed to turn and walk away. All she needed was a sign from him. A sign that said his love for her was strong enough to accept her as she truly was.

But her prayers were only met with silence, and the sign didn’t come. The hope she’d allowed to live in the back of her mind began to shrivel up and die. It had been madness to even think he would be willing to forego an heir—an heir she couldn’t give him. She’d been such a blind fool. What man’s love would be strong enough to marry a woman with a past like hers? A woman who couldn’t produce an heir to carry on his family line.

What had possessed her to tell him the final truth? Hope—she’d allowed herself to believe him when he’d repeatedly said the past didn’t matter. Genevieve swallowed a sob of pain. Deep inside she’d known she’d been deceiving herself, but she had still hoped. A large knot formed in her throat, and Genevieve swallowed hard in order to breathe. She’d capitulated to Theo’s demand for an explanation, and he’d still not said one word. He’d not even stepped forward to take her into his arms in a silent gesture of comfort, understanding, but most of all—his love.

Silence continued to weigh down on her body as every one of her limbs grew numb. If Theo were going to say something, he would have said it by now. She’d done as he’d asked and given her reason for not marrying him. Yet, he’d not spoken a word. Not one. It was a crushing silence that told her all she needed to know.

As her ability to maintain her composure threatened to give way to stark desolation, Genevieve knew she had no other option but to leave. There was nothing more to say that his continued silence hadn’t already said. She had no need of his pity, and the last thing she wanted from him was a proposal of marriage based on honor.

The numbness taking hold of her limbs grew stronger, and Genevieve turned and walked toward the door. If her legs gave way beneath her, he would see how devastated she was by his silence. Still, he said nothing, not even a demand for her to stay, and the thought of him witnessing her pain would be almost as vicious as his inability to react to her confession.

Without a word, Genevieve unlocked the door, then wrapped her hand around the cold metal of the brass doorknob and pulled the door open. Just before she stepped into the hall, her heart told her to pause in hopes that he would stop her. For a fraction of a second she hesitated. When Theo remained silent, her heart splintered into a thousand small fragments, and she knew it would never be whole again. Fingers tightening around the brass knob, she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

Grateful she’d managed to make her exit without stumbling, she closed the door behind her. The instant the door clicked shut, Genevieve’s hand latched onto the door frame to keep from falling. All she wanted right now was to crawl into her bed at home and sob every bit of her heartache out of her body.

One hand braced on the wall, she staggered her way along the corridor to the stairs. As her hand grasped the bannister, she wobbled in place for a moment until she was steady enough to remain on her feet. At the foot of the stairs, she turned and headed toward the back of the house.

Behind her, she heard Jamie call her name, but she didn’t stop. She had no intention of being in the house when Theo came downstairs. In less than a minute, she was in the mews where a carriage always waited for anyone leaving the safe house. Arnie helped her into the vehicle.

In a sharp voice, she ordered Arnie to take her home and stop for no one. The young driver bobbed his head, then climbed up onto the coachman’s seat and with a gentle slap of the reins, he urged the horses forward. The moment the carriage rocked into motion, Genevieve leaned back to rest her head on the leather squabs, closing her eyes, and fighting back tears.

Could someone die of a broken heart? The question went unanswered. It didn’t matter, anyway. Just as she’d survived the brutal loss of her innocence and all the horrors of the East End, she would survive losing Theo.

She knew it would take time, but eventually her heart wouldn’t ache as if someone had ripped it out of her chest. In time, she’d even be able to be in the same room with him without feeling the urge to cry. But if there was one thing she was certain of, she would never be the same.

Chapter 15

Frozen in place, Theo stared at Genevieve in stunned silence, trying to comprehend the words she’d uttered in a detached, unemotional voice. Christ Jesus, had she just said she couldn’t have children? One thought after another careened and collided in his head as he wrestled with the chilling horror of her words.

Rage surged through him until every muscle in his body was locked and immovable. Violent in nature, the fury gripping Theo exceeded tenfold the outrage he’d felt the night Peter had drunkenly revealed what Ruckley had done to Genevieve. The fact Ruckley was dead meant Theo could never tear the man apart, one extremity at a time.

Had she told Peter? His best friend had been her closest confidant. No, Theo was certain she’d never told Peter this horrifying secret. If she had, Peter would have revealed it when he’d been inebriated that night months ago. and told Theo how Ruckley had sold Genevieve’s innocence. His best friend had been too drunk and furious not to have left out such a monstrous act of violation.

Peter’s hatred and rage had been so strong, his friend had sent his snifter of cognac crashing down on the table in an act of sheer violence. The murderous gleam in his best friend’s eyes said Ruckley was fortunate to already be dead. If he hadn’t been, Peter would have gone after the man.

His best friend would have taken great pleasure killing the crime lord for what he’d done to Genevieve. Peter would have made certain the man suffered before finishing the bastard off. And Theo would have been at Peter’s side as they tortured the bastard to death. She’d been a child, and yet Ruckley had not only sold her innocence, the bastard had taken away her ability to have children.

Pain and sorrow rammed their way into Theo as if an axe had split him in two. He would never see Genevieve grow round with his child. She would never know what it meant to be a mother. And neither of them would know the joy of holding their child in their arms. It was a painful, gut-wrenching thought, but Theo knew his anguish couldn’t begin to match Genevieve’s.

To think she’d lived with this terrible pain without the support of those who loved her further illustrated what an incredible woman she was. He’d always known she’d possessed a strength and spirit that refused to be restrained, but he’d had no idea just how strong she was.

Guilt pushed its way to the surface. Genevieve had said he was making things difficult for her, and he’d refused to listen. Theo had demanded she explain her reason for not marrying him. He’d coerced the truth out of her. Regret became a vise around his chest that tightened and constricted his ability to breathe. How was he supposed to respond to her? How did one express their shock and sorrow for a loss such as Genevieve had experienced?

Tension hovered in the air between them as Theo tried to form a gentle, loving reply to her confession. As he fought to find the right words to respond to her, he saw an impassive expression settle on Genevieve’s lovely features. Ever since that day in the croft, Theo had been able to see behind the mask she wore so often when in the company of others.

Now, whatever was going on in her head was hidden from him. She’d shut him out completely. He had no idea what she was thinking, and the instant she abruptly spun away from him, Theo jerked in surprise. Caught unawares, he watched in disbelief as Genevieve left the room, the door closing behind her with a soft thud.

Dumbfounded by her departure, Theo leaped forward to follow her, but came to an abrupt halt. He couldn’t go running after her without a stitch of clothing. As quickly as he could, he began to dress. Several precious minutes elapsed between the moment of Genevieve’s departure and Theo pushing his arms into his shirt sleeves while hurrying toward the bedroom door.

Throwing the door open, he charged out into the hallway and raced toward the stairs. With each passing second, fear took hold inside him. If he didn’t stop her before she left the safe house, God only knew when he’d find another chance to speak with her in private. And Theo was certain she wouldn’t willingly agree to meet with him after tonight.

When he reached the foot of the stairs, he sprinted toward the back of the house. There was always transportation waiting in the stable yard to take someone home, and as Theo burst through the back door he saw a familiar, unmarked black carriage rolling away from the stables. She was gone, and she’d taken his heart with her.