Page 57 of Reapers Don’t Ride

I swallowed hard, and he kissed my hand, eyes communicating concern I wouldn’t let him speak. He cared about me. Why would he be so foolish? No, I understood foolish attachment better than anyone.

“I’d heard about the demon that lived in the old, crumbling mansion outside of town. I’d even seen him a few times. He’d seemed polite, didn’t cause trouble, at least nothing anyone could really pin on him. I went to see him after the last doctor visit, where he told me that I needed to say my goodbyes. Instead, I got my coat and scarf. It was a blue coat, the color of the sky in spring. My scarf was pink. David gave me my scarf.”

I shook my head and realized that I was trembling. I couldn’t stop trembling. “Tralcon offered me a deal: David’s life for my soul. I took it, but I wrote the contract. I was an idiot, but I thought I was so clever. I didn’t want to live without David. No, I couldn’t live without him, even though I knew what I was giving up. I was lost in love with him, as blinding as it was absolute. David was miraculously restored to health, and for a month everything was so perfect.”

I grabbed his hand, squeezing it too tight while he stared back at me, eyes full of sorrow. “Tralcon didn’t want my soul for a lifetime. He was playing a much longer game. He planned everything so carefully, me coming home to find David in bed with someone else, then when I ran, he sent the vampire to corner me, take me into the cellar, and kill me, then raise me, with my broken heart aching the entire time. It never stopped hurting, not until years later when it finally went numb.”

I leaned my head against his chest. I couldn’t do this with my eyes open, looking at him. “Tralcon had my soul, but the deal was that I'd get it back when David died. He didn’t want to waste his energy keeping a human alive, so the loophole in the contract was that if David died by my hand, I'd belong to the demon forever. As a freshly risen vampire, my heart still hurt, betrayed by the one I’d given my soul to save. And the bloodlust ate at every other part of me.

“They threw him in with me where I was trapped in that cellar, the love of my life smelling of another female. I wanted to rip him apart. I wanted him to suffer and hurt and die, but I also wanted him to be happy, to find a good life with someone else now that I was lost forever. I loved him, even in death. I loved him so completely. I left him alive. I suppose it’s a good thing I was so stupid about love, because otherwise, Tralcon would have had my soul forever.”

I blinked tears out of my eyes, tears that vampires weren’t supposed to have. I’d never talked about this with anyone before. It was killing me. But I could die again, to save an angel who didn’t understand how destructive love could be.

I sat up and crossed my arms to hide the trembling, and hoping my tears were a hallucination.

“You love like an angel,” he said softly, carefully, like he could see how close I was to breaking.

But I’d already been broken a long time ago. I smiled at him sadly. “And that’s why I won’t ever love again. I drank your feelings, so I know that you’re growing in attachment to me, most likely because of the blood bindings. You can’t love me, or it will ruin you. Be smarter than I was. David never loved me, not truly, and I can’t ever love you.”

He sneered at me. “You’re comparing yourself to a selfish, weak, cruel betrayer of your trust?”

I blinked at him, confused by his anger. “I’m telling you that I won’t ever love again. You need to protect your heart.”

“Loving him was the only thing that saved you.”

“After it destroyed me! You don’t understand what it’s like to have your soul devoured by a demon every day for a hundred years. He couldn’t touch me, but he forced me to drink from him, to feed on his emotions and evil. I’m stronger, faster, more clever, and so well-trained. To kill people.”

“And that’s why you didn’t kill a single one of your attackers.”

I scowled at him. “That was the deal.”

“And you always keep your bargains. Not because you’re a demon, but because you’re honest, and reliable, and loyal, and kind, and⁠—”

I stopped the words the only way I could, pressing my mouth to his in a kiss that started hard, but then turned into a sweltering fire that burned my insides and made my blood sing in my veins. His blood. My blood. Our blood. Our life. Forever. It felt like a vow, that kiss, the kind that ended in a century of misery or an eternity of happiness.

I broke the kiss, sliding out of the bed, realizing that the blood wasn’t on my skin. He’d washed the blood from my hands, but he couldn’t wash it from my soul.

“You need to stop,” I whispered, hands clenched into fists, body and soul battling for who could be the most anguished.

He stood up, ran a hand through his hair, and then nodded. “All right. I’ve stopped.”

I stared at him. “You’ve stopped loving me?”

He nodded. “I promise that you'll be free. No one's ever going to chain your soul again, not by love, not by anything. I swear it."

I felt his softly spoken words like a dagger to my heart. My poor, stupid, freshly stabbed heart. I did not need more wounds that took too long to heal.

“I don’t believe you.” Or did I? Men could stop loving you so easily. They said that angels loved forever, but…

He walked close and gently took my shoulders in his strong hands. “My feelings are my business, not yours. We’re here on a mission. We’re going to find the ones who attacked you, and trace them to the demon.”

He was still holding my shoulders. I stepped back and bumped into the bed. “The cupid asked me if I could take half a dozen mercenaries. It seems strange that I was attacked by exactly twice that the next day.”

His jaw hardened. “I’m going to kill him.”

I cocked my head and then shook it, passing him towards the small fridge. “No, you’re going to redeem him. That’s what angels do.”

“So, you’re going to kill him?”