Page 64 of The Secret Dinner

“Does it really have to be fifty-fifty?” Hugo insisted. “There’s four of us! That doesn’t leave very much for each.”

“Don’t be so greedy, kid. We’re going to earn so much money you’ll each make a small fortune!”

“And why exactly do you need us to do this?”

“What a question! You are all essential … Hugo, you’re a wizard in the kitchen, and that makes all the difference.”

Hugo stroked his tattooed arms, swallowing the compliment with false modesty.

“Piglet will handle digital marketing and ensure the company’s confidentiality,” Umberto continued. “Miguel has the know-how about the human body and you, Dante, you’re the administrator, the brains behind it all.”

“Thanks for that. Do you also know how to get the meat? Is the idea to break into more hospitals or just keep running over people in the street?”

Hugo made a move to speak, but Umberto answered before he could say anything.

“Of course not, I have a much better idea. It’s clean, nobody gets hurt … You all don’t know about this, but my family owns the largest chain of crematoriums in Brazil. It’s not on my business card, naturally. It’s not something I’m proud of, we have many other businesses, but anyway … Burning Love Crematoriums. Heard of it?”

“No,” answered Piglet, speaking for everyone.

“We have locations in over twenty cities. And they even make a little money. Not much, but enough. The rich have stopped burying their relatives. Nowadays they only care about cremation. I guess it’s so they can ensure the deceased never return from the grave…”

Umberto cackled and almost choked. For a moment I hoped he’d suffocate right then and there.

“Sorry, that wasn’t funny,” he said when he recovered. “Well … I think you get the idea. Now, with our business venture, I’ve found another use for Burning Love Crematoriums: That’s where I’ll get the raw materials for you boys.”

It was unbearable to sit there in silence and listen to him blather on.

“What are you even talking about?”

“Body laundering! It’s quite simple, actually: When a body arrives at the crematorium, I’ll take a look at the deceased’s history. If they died from an accident, an illness—in short, how and when the person died. If the quality of the meat hasn’t been jeopardized, I put the body aside. I give the family some random ashes in an urn, they’ll be none the wiser. Then I bring the body here, already bled, ready to be butchered and served at the next secret dinner.”

“Are you being serious?” I had to ask. “Miguel, aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Piglet and Hugo have already agreed,” Umberto said. “Miguel also said he’s in.”

“He’s in? That’s impossible!”

Miguel started crying in the armchair and I felt all my confidence vanish. He shook and sobbed.

“I’m doing it for my mom.”

That tore me up inside. Piglet and Hugo had taken advantage of Miguel’s weakness and convinced him to get involved. It wasn’t fair.

“You all have a lot of work ahead of you!” said Umberto, as if he couldn’t see Miguel was a wreck. “When you receive the bodies, you’ll need to clean everything, select the cuts, season them, and prepare the dinner. You’ll need to invest your time too, obviously. Putting together menus, setting the ambiance, creating Rio’s most enjoyable gastronomic orgy! This is the real deal, boys! It will be high quality. The meat, I mean. We’re pioneers. Get ready to do some in-depth research. It’s a whole new world. Which type of meat is better? Man or woman? Black or white? Fat or thin? Old or young? Does an American taste like an Asian? You’re going to have to find out. And soon, so you can help me select the best bodies from the crematorium.”

“Cannibal dinners!”

“Come on, it’s seagull meat,” Umberto snarked.

“I still haven’t said yes to any of this…”

“It’s now or never, Dante. You’ll be the manager and make the decisions when I’m not around. Take it or leave it.” He fixed his hawk eyes on me. “So are we going to be filthy rich or what?”

[Invitation]

Dear Sir/Madam,

The Seagull Meat Team is pleased to confirm your attendance