Page 19 of The Secret Dinner

What equipment will we need (EQUIP)?

How will we get past the hospital staff (HOSP)?

Will we need to use violence (VIOL)?

Which corpse will we choose for the dinner (CUT)?

How will we get the information that there’s a body available (INFO)?

“That last question’s taken care of,” said Hugo. “Miguel’s on call tomorrow night.”

My friend shook his head, making an involuntary grimace. “I’m not going to get my hands dirty or ruin my career over something this insane. Get your info another way.”

Before another fight broke out, I diverted the group to the least controversial question.

“Means of transport is pretty obvious. We’ll use Bukowski.”

“A burgundy Focus? Why not just drive around with a sign that says ‘Body Snatcher’?” said Hugo, disappearing into the kitchen and returning with an open bottle of sake.

“What if we rent a car?”

“I can paint Bukowski black,” suggested Piglet. “And figure out a way to tamper with the plates!”

Hugo poured us all sake in yellow plastic cups and raised his glass.

“We’ll take Bukowski, then … To a successful dinner.”

Miguel refused to toast. He threatened to walk away from the whole thing if we didn’t nix the possibility of violence.

“Dude, don’t be so neurotic,” said Hugo. “Nobody’s talking about breaking into the fucking hospital with machine guns.”

“So what does ‘use violence’ mean?”

“It means that we might need to knock out one or two people to get a body out of there,” I explained.

“Knock out? Since when are you guys martial arts experts?”

“Who’s at the morgue?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Dead people,” joked Piglet.

“There’s usually a security guard,” said Miguel begrudgingly.

“Just the one?”

“Yeah.”

“Is he armed?”

“No. Normally there’s a pathologist around, too.”

Now Miguel was even more horrified at his involvement.

“So we have to take down two guys, then,” Hugo said, just to get a rise.

Several disagreements, glasses of sake, and discarded proposals later, with few certainties to speak of, we had a more concrete idea of our options. Piglet was getting fed up and kept interrupting the conversation as he scarfed down his sushi.

“What’s the big fucking deal?” he said. “Just find a cadaver. There’re so many John Does out there, so many unclaimed corpses with no family. Do you really need this whole fancy operation? For fuck’s sake, we’re breaking into a public hospital in Brazil, it’s not a SWAT mission. They’ll be grateful we’re taking a body off their hands and freeing up a bed.”