Page 29 of Fibre and Ink

Aster: yeah same guy, Mickey

Joel: dude is so hot, and so into you. Have you done it yet?

I felt my cheeks warm up. Joel cut right through the BS and got straight to the point and I loved him for that, but also I wasn’t so sure I wanted to gush about everything to him.

Aster: there may have been a moment. But he was pretty worried about me being younger and stuff so idk. I don’t know it’s going anywhere

My phone rang two seconds after I pressed ‘send’.

“What does a moment mean?” Joel demanded.

“Hi Joel, nice to hear from you. I’m fine thanks,” I teased.

“Yeah yeah, tell me more. You kissed hotty mcbeardface. I want the details.”

“You are getting absolutely no details.” I looked up at the door, convinced Mickey was about to walk in. “I’m staying with him so I don’t get buried in wedding planning by proxy, and he’s sweet and we’re cooking for each other, and I’m sometimes helping with the alpacas.”

Joel squealed into the phone and I had to hold it away from my ear until he was done. “You’re basically married! Get a ring and put it on him before he beats you to it.”

“Joel...” I got up and looked out the window. I could see Mickey wearing a wide brimmed hat in the distance. Pitching hay. Safe. No chance of him walking in. “I’ve had a crush on him since forever. FOREVER. He’s my best friend’s big brother, you know? He’s hot and sweet and kind and capable and we played fucking board games last night. But he’s... he’s not sure, and I don’t think I should do anything more or my heart will wilt and never revive. You know?” I took a breath.

To his credit, Joel was patient and listened through my whole rant without interrupting.

“I know what you’re saying, but if he’s cooking for you and playing board games and he kissed you, that means he thinks of you as more than his kid sister’s friend. Nobody goes around cooking for people they don’t care about.”

“Well, maybe not in Sacramento,” I said. “Here it’s kind of a hospitality thing.”

“You’re making excuses and I don’t want to hear it.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I should just move back out again, stop freaking him out. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Something about me clearly does.”

Joel was silent for a moment and then hummed. “Well, I know you, and you’ll make the right decision, but for god’s sake talk to the guy before you pack up and leave. It might not be the issue that you’re assuming it is.”

We both left unsaid the issue could be me being trans.

“Thanks Joel. And thanks for checking in. How are things with you?”

Joel launched into a diatribe about some bitchy co-worker, and I smiled and listened, comforted by his familiar patter.

I let my mind wander, my mouth providing the required ‘mmhm’s and ‘yeah’s as required.

Mickey was sweet and he’d handled last night very well, but I knew it was complicated. People had preconceptions and weird notions, and it was hard to shake those off in one night.

Look how things had gone with Harlow! She’d initially taken my transition as a weird slight against her personally.

Thinking back to nights at clubs and bars in Sacramento, I shuddered to think of some of the weird stuff people had suggested to me. There was no shortage of creeps who wanted me just because I was trans, seeing me as ‘woman-lite’ or ‘not really gay if I sleep with you’ or shit like that.

Whatever Mickey was dealing with, I knew he wasn’t a creepo like those people, but I also knew being with me, wasn’t cut and dry, Especially since I hadn’t had top surgery yet.

But there was something going on, some reason Mickey didn’t want to go there with me, and I had to respect that.

I couldn’t pressure him in any way. I’d have to go back to sleeping in my own bed and treat him as a friend. It was best for both of us.

Mickey

I was chatting with the alpacas, reassuring them everything was okay when a truck came up the road from Lakeside Drive, parked up and offloaded a crew of people in high-vis. There wasn't even a lane there, they'd just driven over the wild grass. Bold, given there were bound to be potholes aplenty.

They called out to each other, holding wooden stakes and tape measures and walking around the stretch of land the suits had investigated. Obviously on the same project, the data center…