Page 39 of The Write Place

“I’ll kill him.” Her words are clipped, and from the fire in her eyes, I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually did.

Fortunately, before she can commit murder, her door opens again. My heart leaps into my throat, thinking that Ben followed me and is coming in, trying to placate me, but I hear Daniel’s voice before the door is even fully open.

“Hey, Jenny, have you seen…” he trails off when he sees me, and then he’s walking toward me. “Mac, what happened?”

I shake my head violently, swallowing hard. I shoot a pleading look to Jenny, and she jumps in his path before he can reach me, her arms outspread as if she could block him. “Evans. A minute, please?” She indicates the hallway, and he pauses, frowning at her like he might physically move her out of the way to get to me. The standoff only lasts a second, and he collects himself, abruptly exiting the room. The door slams shut behind him, and I jump at the noise.

Jenny turns back to me. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

I hug my arms around my abdomen and lean forward a little, resting my feet on the rungs underneath the chair. I’m subconsciously trying to curl myself into the smallest shape possible, hoping I can just disappear. I shake my head.

“He’s going to wait in the hallway for you, you know.” Jenny taps her foot a few times against the linoleum.

“I know. I need a minute.”

Jenny comes and sits next to me, resting a hand on my upper back and rubbing gently.

I take a few more deep breaths, and I feel myself starting to come down. I put my feet back on the floor and rest my elbows on my knees, sinking my head into my hands.

“I didn’t want him to see me like this,” I groan.

“Like what? He saw you upset, that’s all.”

“I panicked. Ben looked at me all wide-eyed and scared like…” I trail off, and Jenny nods, knowingly. After Ellie, the weirdest stuff would set me off, making me shaky and sweaty. I saw a therapist for a while, and she helped me realize that it was a reaction to the trauma of the accident and what happened immediately afterward. Before I built up a solid line between my personal life and my school life, and before Ken stepped in and somehow made sure the other teachers stopped bringing it up all the time, it would happen often and unpredictably. After a while, once everything fit nicely into clearly defined boxes, the unpredictable panic mostly stopped. Until now. It’s not lost on me that I had just decided I could let those lines between personal and professional blur, and now it is happening again.

“Mac, you’re allowed to feel things, and you’re allowed to let people in. Daniel wants to help, I’m sure of it.” This might be the first time I’ve heard her use his actual first name, and it’s a little jarring. I look up at her.

“Help how?” The volume of my voice raises slightly. “Help by making it obvious to everyone, including that asshole Marty, that there’s something going on between us and then leaving me to deal with the fallout in a few weeks?”

“Mac—“ The door opening behind me cuts her off, but I don’t look because I don’t care who hears. There is one thing I know for sure, and that is that I can’t let this go on any longer.

“I’ve worked too hard on my reputation here to let it crumble because of some guy who needed to run away from his ex for a while to cure his writer’s block.” I see Jenny’s eyes shift to whomever entered the room behind me, and I can tell from her apologetic expression that Daniel is standing there. Good, I tell myself. This will save me the trouble of having to say it again. “He gets to go back to his life at the end of this, and I have to stay and deal with the likes of Marty. And now Ben.”

I face Daniel, who is indeed standing in the doorway. He has a completely passive expression on his face, but his shoulders are tense, and his hands are in his pockets. I stand and turn fully to him.

“This can’t be anything, Daniel. It can’t. It’ll ruin me.” I’m not sure if I’m referring to the gossip or his leaving, but I decide it doesn’t really matter. I tried breaking down some of the barriers I’d worked to build, and it didn’t go well. It has to stop before it goes any further. “It’ll ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for, and I can’t.”

For a second, pain flickers on his face, but it’s gone quickly and replaced by the same passivity he wore before. His eyes flick to Jenny, then back to me. His lips are a thin line as if he wants to say something but is holding back.

I lower my eyes and walk past him toward the door. I take a breath, and for a second, I want to apologize, but then I think better of it and push the door open to leave.

As the door is closing behind me, I hear Jenny say, “Give her some time. She’s upset.”

Then Daniel asks, “What the hell happened?” as the door shuts behind me, closing out most of the sound. I look back to the closed door and consider going back in there to explain, but then change my mind. I take the long way back to my classroom in case the men are still talking, gather my things, and leave.

Chapter 17

I don’t hear from Jenny, Daniel, or Ben all night. I consider messaging Jenny to see what they said after I left, or to make sure she doesn’t need bail for busting Ben’s kneecaps on her way out of the school, but instead, I take a long, hot bath, then curl up to sleep.

When I wake up the next morning, I feel hungover, despite not having had a drop of alcohol the night before. I drag myself to school, probably looking like something the cat dragged in. When I get to my room, I see my light already on like usual. I take a steadying breath before opening the door, preparing myself to give Daniel at least a minimum explanation, but when I walk into my room, Jenny is sitting at my desk.

“Morning,” I say, drawing out the word a little in question.

“Hey,” she stands and walks toward me. “He’s not coming.”

It takes me a second to process this, and I look from her to Daniel’s empty desk and back again. “He’s not… why?”

She runs her hands through her hair. “Well, after you left, I really had no choice but to explain at least a little to the poor guy.” She shrugs helplessly, and I move past her to drop my bag on the ground next to my desk. “I told him what you told me about the guys, and he felt really bad. Like really bad. I think he blamed himself for most of it, even though I told him it’s not his fault Marty’s an asshat. He wanted to either find them and beat them up—which I talked him out of, even though I would have paid good money to see it—”