Page 101 of Conquest

“If I’m not angry about it, then why the hell are you? I want you to call him this afternoon and tell him you’ll help with the house while he’s gone.”

Brandon snorted and looked away.

Jesse stood up and marched across the living room to him. “I’m serious, Brandon. If you won’t do it because he asked, then do it because I’m asking.”

Brandon folded his arms across his chest. “Fine,” he said grudgingly.

Jesse exhaled a relieved breath. “Thanks. I’m going to get a shower. The limo should be here in half an hour to take me to the bus.” He turned to go to the bathroom and paused at the entrance to the hall. “He did the right thing, Brandon. If he had stayed, I never would’ve been able to leave. He knows that. He’s the strong one, not me. And until I become stronger, I don’t deserve to be with him.”

Brandon looked at him, taking in his words as Jesse disappeared down the hall.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Jesse stood at the window of his hotel suite watching snow float down over Central Park. The others had been so excited about spending Christmas in New York. He could only think that he was in Evan’s hometown. At least Trish got to visit with her family, and Julian did as well since Connecticut was only a spit away. Kenny stayed rather than going back to Chicago, and Brandon had arrived the day before on Christmas Eve, but despite having everyone around him, he still felt alone.

He wondered what Evan was doing, where he was. He had a feeling Evan may have come to New York to see his mother, which meant he could be somewhere in this labyrinth of a city and they were the closest they’d been since he had left on tour. At that thought, the city seemed to spread out further, the buildings heightening their already mammoth statures, as if to hide Evan within its great depths.

A knock sounded on his door. Achilles sprang off the couch in the living room of the suite, barking and charging the door. At nearly six months old, the dog looked more gawky and uncoordinated than ever as his German Shepherd body beneath his Collie coat tried to fill out his massive paws. The little bit of worry he held about it not working out having a dog on the road quickly vanquished when he realized Achilles was happy so long as he was with him and that he could take the dog pretty much anywhere, since not too many people wanted to say no to the lead singer of the hottest band in the country.

Jesse put his hand on the dog’s head. “Good boy, ‘Chilles.”

Achilles stopped barking and stood wagging his tail as Jesse opened the door.

Kenny stood on the other side. “Hey. Greg said to come get you because we’ll be eating soon.”

Jesse sighed and turned back into his room to grab Achilles’s leash. “Just because he booked a banquet room and ordered a big dinner, I don’t know why I’m expected to be there.”

“Because it’s Christmas dinner, scrooge boy. I don’t know why you’ve been so pissy the past couple days.”

“I haven’t been pissy.”

He walked out of his room with Kenny and Achilles, and headed to the elevators. He knew his mood hadn’t been the best lately. He worked exceptionally hard at being the lighthearted, fun-loving lead singer of Conquest that fans expected him to be, playing it up for the cameras, trying to appear happy and cool, when really, there were days he hardly ate because his appetite was non-existent and all he did was sleep, or try to, at least. It was one of the few escapes he had, and even it wasn’t much of an escape since Evan haunted his dreams.

Every day, every night, every hour, he still thought of him. There were times when his mind felt like it no longer belonged to him, thinking what it wanted without his consent.

He needed to move on. He knew that. But it seemed so hard to imagine himself with anyone else, touching them, letting them touch him. He’d start to feel sick thinking about it, and he wondered, had he become a total head case? Was he ever going to be normal again? He had more than a hundred opportunities to have sex since he’d been on the road, and while some of the men had been exquisite in appearance, none, no matter their looks or personalities, were equal to Evan. And yet through all the dreams and fantasies of being with Evan again, he knew it would never happen. Evan had regained his music, shining before the world as he shared it. Evan didn’t need him anymore, if he had ever really needed him at all.

The elevator stopped. Jesse followed Kenny out and down the hall to the banquet room. He stepped in to the sound of softly playing Christmas music and a long rectangular table laid out with a red tablecloth trimmed in gold. A tall Christmas tree stood in one corner sparkling with white lights. Everyone sat on the couches close to a fireplace and a piano off to the side. Along with Brandon, Julian, Trish, and Greg, were Greg’s wife, Crystal, and his daughter, Krista, who flirted with him mercilessly.

He caught sight of a server coming in to put some finishing touches on the table, and after requesting a bottle of pinot noir, he moved to join the others.

“Welcome to the party, sunshine,” Brandon said as Jesse flopped down on the couch beside him.

“Suck it,” Jesse grumbled.

His brother wrestled him around the neck. “That’s the way to be, jerk-ass! You keep spreading that Christmas cheer!”

Jesse shoved Brandon away.

Krista sat down on the arm of the couch at Jesse’s side and hugged him around his shoulders, her long brunette hair falling on his cheek. “He’s right, Jess. I’m not going to have any fun bragging to the girls at school about spending Christmas with you if I have to say you were in a bad mood.” She brandished her new digital camera above them. “Just smile for the camera. I need to get a shot of us to make all the girls jealous.”

“Then give them this.” Jesse took the camera from her and held it out, then put his lips to her cheek and snapped the photo.

“That’ll get ‘em!” she giggled. She took the camera back and gazed down at the photo of them. “Now I just have to get Evan when he gets here.”

Jesse’s heart stopped with a hard thump. He looked at Greg. “What?” He whipped his head toward Brandon. “What?”

“I don’t know why you’re looking at me,” Brandon said. “When I talked to him before I left, he said he still wasn’t sure if he was coming, so I didn’t know until he called me earlier today.”