Page 70 of Session 25

This whole time I wanted someone to love me the correct way, when I failed to realize that I never loved myself the correct way. All the cheating, emotional ups and downs, to falling for the wrong person. I was screwed, and it was only because I had been looking for love in all the wrong places.

I watched as the tears fell freely on the short note I had written in my journal. It had been weeks since my life shifted drastically. Some days I didn’t know if I was coming or going, but that didn’t stop Roman from showing up for me from a distance. Flower deliveries, food drop-offs, and he even booked prenatal massages.

Stubborn, hormonal, and not trying to give in, I found myself sitting at home, missing his presence.

Rae checked in periodically, but I knew that sooner or later she would get the picture that we couldn’t be anything more. That is why today was going to be our last therapy session.

It was a mutual agreement, but I felt like she pushed for it more. I was okay with it. I was already shopping around for another therapist anyway. Plus, I needed one that wouldn’t violate the codes of conduct and kept it professional.

“Good morning.” Rae was already sitting in her chair, legs crossed, body poised with her notepad on her lap.

“Morning.” I wasn’t as chipper as she was. Mixed emotions filled my spirit, but I rubbed my small protruding belly for a sense of happiness. The baby’s movement caused me to relax a bit.

“Do you want water? Need to use the restroom?” ’She tried to sound as professional as she could.

“I’m good.” I sat down on the sofa, taking a brief moment to look around the office and reminisce. Today was bittersweet, we laughed, cried and fucked all up and through this office. Rae must have noticed the shift in my mood.

“What you thinking about?”

“Honestly?” I batted my lashes.

“Uh yes. Since when do we not tell the truth?”

“Can you handle the truth though, Rae?”

“Okay, I see where this is going. Drama, huh?”

“No,” I looked out the window. “I’m just thinking about all of the days and nights in this office.” She nodded her head. “We’ve done so much.”

“And now it’s coming to an end. But for the better, right?” She questioned. “We're gonna still be cool regardless.”

“Yea. Besides, I need to focus on my baby.”

“Right,” she sighed. “I am happy and proud of you Koi.”

“Thanks.” We talked about the transition I was making from being a hurt woman to a soon to be mother who was choosing herself. Rae brought up the fact that I have grown while figuring out who I was outside of a relationship. For a minute I sat with that statement.

“What about you? You’re newly single, living in your truth.”

“I know. It’s been hard and some days are better than others. But after my mother’s death, I just really needed to sit with myself. She died not knowing the real me.”

“Yep. And now you don’t have to hide yourself and you actually look so much happier. Better, if that can be said.”

“Umm hmm. You know you still got a lil crush on me,” she laughed out loud before continuing. It’s fine, the feeling is mutual, but I respect where we are too much to blur the lines again.”

“Truth. But anyway, whew. Can you believe it? A baby and he or she is healthy.”

“It’s your time Koi. Don’t let your fears hinder your pregnancy experience. You deserve to be happy in this phase of your life.” Rae still being able to drop gems on me while healing as well was something I’d never understand. While I was being a bitch to her and Roman, they both were making sure I knew who I was.

After the session, we hugged for a brief moment as she handed me a folder of my notes she made. She told me to read them when I was home and needed some laughs.

I sat in my car for a few moments before I drove in the direction of Roman’s hotel. He was staying in the Marriott where we met. As distant as I was with him. He made it a point to keep me up to date on a day to day of his life. So, when I pulled up to the hotel, I headed straight to the rooftop bar after making sure I looked cute.

Melissa was at the front, greeting me with a smile. After the last incident, she didn’t want any trouble with Roman. I stepped on the elevator, giving myself a pep talk. My stomach was flipping as the butterflies fluttered.

I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why my baby father had me blushing as if I didn’t let him slut me out for months.

“Anyone sitting here?” I asked from behind him. Roman turned around, a smirk on his face as his locs hung down, giving him more of a rugged look. His eyes dragged over my body.