Page 64 of Session 25

“I’m pregnant.” I puffed out my cheeks. “And the dude and female I was sleeping with happen to be a married couple, but I didn’t know that until the other day.”

“Let me go take your ass to church. Hand me my phone so I can call your Mimi.” She was referring to my grandmother. It was a known family fact that if someone was acting out that grandma was gonna get them right with church and God, but this was not the time to be playing with my mother.

“Seriously ma. I am confused. I don’t know what to do.”

“Let’s start off with what’s important. The pregnancy, does he know? Is it his or can it be Marcel’s?”

As mad as I was with her asking the question, it was a valid one. No one knew when I stopped fucking around with Marcel but me. I reassured her that there was no chance that the baby could be Marcel’s. I didn’t double back, and we hadn’t had sex because my cycle was on right before I decided to leave him.

“He doesn’t know and I’m not sure how or when to tell him. We aren’t speaking but ma, he isn’t a bad guy. The situation is just messed up.” I sighed while thinking about the man that Roman was.

He was attentive, caring and always put my needs first. I knew he wouldn’t be mad that I was pregnant since he didn’t have children of his own, but it was the idea of what’s next? Would he want to work it out? Would he really divorce Rae? Could I be happy with him, knowing that there is a possibility of him going back to Rae or even me craving and wanting her. Either way you looked at it, I was all over the place.

“So first you need to tell him and secondly, what are you doing with this female? Does she even know?”

“She knows I’m pregnant. She’s, my therapist.”

“Koi Malone! What has gotten into you? Wait, don’t answer that, what do you want?”

“I’m scared. What if this pregnancy ends like every other pregnancy I’ve had? Can I put myself through that again? Will he even be there to comfort me?”

“You just said he’s a good guy.”

“He is but this is also new.” Self-sabotage had been the norm for me for some years. No matter how blessed I was, I always found a way to bring myself down.

“You’re scared, I get that, but you won’t know anything until you put yourself out there. If this man has even held your attention, then obviously he is much better than Marcel and with the female you know you don’t want coochie for life so you gotta let her go. How? I don’t know but you will figure that out and speaking of Marcel, when is the last time you’ve seen him?”

“Not long ago. I had to grab some papers from the house, but I heard he got custody of the baby and Rika is in trouble.”

“Yep. And now they’re looking into Belinda as well because they’re investigating and since Rika lives with her, now she is also on watch.”

“Karma,” was all I said. “But yea, I just want to stay here a few days, I don’t want to be alone, and I have an appointment tomorrow.”

“Baby, you know you’re always welcome to stay here. Duke’s room is free so just go sleep in there.” I got up from the sofa, stretched my arms up and yawned. “And Koi.”

“Yes.”

“You’re gonna be fine. I raised a strong and smart young lady. You are gonna do what you see fit, but you know we will have your back with whatever you choose.”

“Thanks ma.” I couldn’t help the emotional state I was in. I got comfortable, cut on the AC and slid under the blankets in Duke’s old room. A sense of familiarity was probably what I needed. I closed my eyes, exhaled and dozed off.

“Koi, I can’t believe your ass! You tell Rae some shit that you have yet to tell me and then I go to ya’ crib and I can’t get in then now you ghosting me? What type of shit is that shorty? I thought we were bigger than that, but I guess you on ya’ little girl shit,” he sighed. “If you ain’t trying to keep my seed then you need to let me know wassup. It’s your body, but shit that’s my sperm up in there, but aight love, I’m good.” I listened to my voicemail shaking my head. Roman’s age was showing. I hadn’t received a voicemail from a dude in years and the first one I got came from him.

Rae telling on me was not on my bingo card. I trusted her ass with information so instead of calling Roman back, I called her ass.

“Hello.”

“Seriously Rae? You couldn’t let me tell him myself? You that mad that I’m not choosing to be with you?”

“First of all, killer relax, I didn’t tell him to be malicious. It slipped out when we were in the middle of an argument, and it was about you. After I said it, I couldn’t take it back “

“My name should not have come up at all!”

“We were fucking you, Koi! Your name is gonna come up!” She yelled back at me. “But trust me, I won’t speak on you ever again!” She hung up in my ear. Annoyed that I didn’t have her address to pull up on her, I hopped out the bed, pacing back and forth through the room, when a knock came to the door.

“Who is it?”

“Sicily.” I pulled open the door. “That man is out front and he’s asking for you.” My eyes bucked. Sicily had met Roman the night she had come to my building. I didn’t know how he had found me, but now I was standing in Duke’s room, panicking. “I don’t know what to say.”