Page 55 of Session 25

“Girl what the hell?”

“I’m sorry, I just had a rough time this evening. I kinda need to just be to myself but I don’t need you trippin’.”

“What is going on? You know I’m your therapist first.” Her tone even.

“Life. Me and Marcel got into it, and he actually pushed me so hard I fell and hit my head.” Admitting it out loud was crazy.

“He hit you. Are you okay?” Her voice rose an octave higher. “Where are you?”

“I’m home Rae. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. If he put his hands on you that’s not okay and you should not normalize that.”

“Look, it's okay. I’m fine, I left and I’m not going back.” There was silence. “About earlier, I know what happened, I enjoyed it, but Rae I don’t know.”

“You don’t know what? Do you want this to end?”

“It’s not that I want it to end, it's just right now I’m so confused with my feelings. I’m all over the place and you’re married.”

“Girl fuck my marriage, okay? If you want this to stop, we can stop it, if you want to continue, we can do that too, but I won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I hear you, but I’ve also met a guy, and I know I’ve mentioned him briefly but it’s getting serious with us too quickly.”

“Hmm, okay. A guy. Well...” Silence filled the air. I had to call out Rae’s name to make sure she hadn’t ended the call on me. “I’m here. Umm, so let’s fall back. I can’t hurt myself behind you or this situation.”

Offended I snapped my neck back, looked at the phone and spoke. “Behind me? Rae, I didn’t start this shit, you did, you knew where I was at in life!” I was now yelling at the top of my lungs. “Everyone came on to me. I was minding my fucking business, you and the dude I am fucking with! I am single.”

“Relax Koi. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Fuck that, Rae. I’m good,” I hung up. She had some nerve getting in her feelings. The shit was beyond my control.

Rae: Koi I don’t want to fight or argue. I want to protect myself and my feelings also. I love you and that shit is real. I’m married and it’s fucked up. I know but it doesn’t change the feelings I have for you. I knew it was tricky and messy from the start, but I couldn’t help but to follow my feelings and not my brain. I can fix this. We can fix this.

Koi: No, we can’t. I’m going to leave you alone. Don’t worry about me, I’ll show up for my sessions until I find a new therapist.

Rae: Look. I came off wrong. The lines got blurred yes, we got caught up yes, but I don’t want any beef with you. Come to my family’s BBQ tomorrow. You know I ain’t got many friends and I rather us just talk in person.

Koi: Is that smart? With you loving me and all?

Rae: Just trust me. Come and have a good time. I’ll be on my best behavior.

Koi: You know I’ll show my black ass if I have to, so you better be on your best behavior.

Rae: And will. I’ll see you tomorrow.

“See how easy and quick it was to do a session and now we can go have some fun.” Rae was sitting in the chair across from me in her parents’ study. Their house was beautiful, but the study was amazing. The number of books and antique art that lined the walls was like a showing in a museum. “But any way you look cute.”

“Thanks,” I tried to act modest. The situation was weird, but our interaction didn’t change. As much as I hated to admit it, Rae was a cool ass chick, she just wanted me more than I could provide.

“Ready for some food and drinks? I’m starving.”

“I’ll have food, I don’t really want to drink.” I followed behind her. “You said your husband wasn’t coming right?”

“Chile, as much as I’d like to say he’s coming, he’s not. So, you can meet him another time.”

“Okay cool.” I stood off to the side as she introduced me to her parents. They looked like the modern day Clair and Cliff Huxtable, which is what I expected after having a mini tour of their house. Rae was the epitome of a trust fund baby. She wanted for nothing but was forced to give up what her parents had for her because of her lifestyle choices.

“Here, take a sip, that’s all.” She held up a cup of liquor to my mouth. Out the corner of my eye, I spotted her mother, who was staring at us with a disapproving look on her face. I didn’t want to drink but the way she cut her eyes at me, I hurriedly drank the drink before tapping Rae on her thigh. “What?”